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Home / New Zealand

<i>Sideswipe</i>: Kid me not

Ana Samways
By Ana Samways
Sideswipe - ana.samways@nzherald.co.nz·NZ Herald·
15 Jul, 2009 04:00 PM3 mins to read

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Ana Samways
Opinion by Ana SamwaysLearn more

Taken in Alaska. 'An understatement, surely,' says Mary.

* * *

A reader writes: "A friend of ours thought he was pretty clever for finally finishing fencing the backyard so the new dog couldn't get out. A full day of hammering and sawing, doing 'man stuff' ... After the job
was finished, his wife returned home to view the final product. She was overjoyed, but then asked, 'So you're not going fishing any more?' A confused hubby didn't get it, until his wife pointed out he had not only fenced in the dog, but the family boat and trailer as well. Nice one, Dave."

* * *

New Zealand actor Sam Neill has been fronting a pro-meat television ad saying red meat is a vital contributor to brain health and featuring lines such as, "Meat - you'd be silly not to eat it". This has angered Jason Baker, director of PETA Asia-Pacific, an animal ethics group, who sent him a letter suggesting alternatives, such as, "Meat: it's what's rotting in your colon". In a letter to Neill he says: "Seeing you pimp for an industry that is linked to the main killers of human beings as well as of animals is, well, sad ... Human beings don't have to die of meat-related causes, such as cancer of the bowel and colon, and hardened arteries." (Source: Abc.net.au)

* * *

More Kiwi one-liners: Now we can all get some sleep (Claytons ad); That'll be the phone (Fred Dagg); Bring Back Buck (as in Shelford); I gave them to the pilot and he threw them out the window (an Ansett Airlines ad, referring to the car keys); Full credit to the opposition (Sean Fitzpatrick); Good on yer, mate (Speight's Southern man, Frank Whitten, who now plays Ted in Outrageous Fortune); It's the same day, David ( Land Transport Safety Authority drink-driving ad); New Zealanders who emigrate to Australia raise the IQs of both countries (Sir Robert Muldoon).

* * *

A reader noticed the reference to David Tua's "O for Awesome" on Wheel of Fortune and writes: "If you watch the old episodes, I'm almost 100 per cent sure he actually said, 'O for Ocean', and he's been misunderstood all these years ... Maybe they should get those David Bain trial phone-recording experts on to this one as well!" Also, the correct quote from Once Were Warriors was, "Cook the man some eggs" ... And the Palmolive dishwashing ad with the line, "You're soaking in it", is Australian, so doesn't really count.

* * *

After more than seven years of collecting your wonderful stories and pictures, I'm compiling a book of Sideswipe's best bits. The best-written stories have all been selected, but if you have had a picture published in the column and would like it considered for the book, please email me at the address below with a description of the photo you submitted.

* * *

View today's Herald cartoon

* * *

Today's Webpick: The latest citizens initiated referendum parody. Seriously sharp, check it out here.

These are the very best online videos from Ana's online magazine Spare Room.

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