Sideswipe: Convenient English classes

How convenient. Snapped at a church in Mt Roskill by Norm Salmon.

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Don Milne writes: "He was born on 15/10/35; she on 2/6/39. On the rare occasions husband buys a Lotto ticket, he uses the numbers for their birth dates; wife always takes a lucky dip. This week, she bought the ticket. And the numbers drawn for the unstruck $26.7 million jackpot? 2, 6, 10, 15, 35, 39. "Once I stopped weeping, I saw the funny side ... yeah right," he says.

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A reader at an Auckland school received an email yesterday, before an inter-zone rugby competition, advising how to take precautions against swine flu - the usual "don't drink out of the same water bottle" and "stay away if you have symptoms" reminders. But also this: "... teams are advised not to shake hands with opposition after a game. Instead, verbally thank them for the game and give them three cheers to acknowledge them. The sharing of halftime snacks (i.e. oranges or lollies) should be curtailed or distributed by a manager/supporter with gloved hands." Says our reader: "Seems a little over the top, especially after several dozen tackles, rucks, mauls and lineouts."

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Interested in the Mark Lundy murder case, a reader from Ellerslie watched TV One's Real Crime documentary on Wednesday night and felt a little sick. "The theory that Lundy allegedly murdered his wife and daughter much later was interesting, but the documentary's re-enactments were gruesome and gratuitous - showing the axe fall on the victims and blood splattering on wall; sex with a prostitute with a pendulous breast swinging with the motion; a scientist poking around faked stomach contents and a surgical tray of hair and blood. To make matters worse, the late news that screened directly afterwards made the findings into a story and replayed the gruesome, re-enacted murder scene."

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Ben saw an IQ test challenge on the computer and took the test. "I was told my results would be sent to my phone, so I typed in my number and got a txt which asked me to send a name. Did that, and now I get a text everyday that costs me $3.50, with random useless information, and can't stop it. Stupid but funny. I guess my IQ wasn't that high in the end."

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Insurer won't pay out on a house fire because the wind was too slow: Douglas Graham, 64, claimed for £50 ($130) worth of damage caused by a storm, which weakened lead flashing lining in the roof and resulted in a leak. However, Halifax Insurance told him it would not pay out because the wind on that day measured only 44mph (71km/h, defined as a gale, and according to the policy a storm has "winds of at least 55mph". Mr Graham, whose policy premium is £348 ($903) a year, has only ever made one claim. (Source: Telegraph.co.uk)

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Sandra writes: "My husband also qualified as a secondary school teacher last year. He, too, has been waiting for six months to have his salary settled. It's hard enough coping with a teacher's workload, let alone having to cope with the inefficiency of a bureaucracy like the Ministry of Education. What is even more frustrating is that the salary assessment department has an unlisted phone number, is not contactable by email and corresponds only by snail mail - so we just wait."

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See today's Herald cartoon