Soala Wilson suffered from abuse as a child and now shows others where they can get help. Photo / Richard Robinson
Over the next few days the Herald will be running a series of articles on child abuse and highlighting charities working to end it. See the bottom of this page for today's charity.
When Pacific Island businessperson of the year Soala Wilson started talking publicly about her abusive childhood, her brother told her to stop shaming the family or he would beat her.
That was nearly 10 years ago but Ms Wilson is still talking about her past in the hope
it will inspire other people who are trapped in the cycle of abuse.
The Grey Lynn businesswoman who owns The Works Hair Salon was born in Samoa but grew up in New Zealand with what she describes as two abusive parents. She says there was physical abuse in the form of beatings with "the belt, the chair or whatever was around".
When she tried running away from home, her friend's parents took her home and she was beaten again for "shaming the family".
There was also a neverending stream of emotional abuse, often in the form of constant putdowns from her mother.
"She told me I was an ugly Samoan girl, I was dumb and I would never amount to anything."
Despite trying to stand up for herself, Ms Wilson felt there was nothing she could do but wait until she was old enough to leave home and try to prove her mother wrong.
She sought help through counselling. It was only when she was eventually told "Soala there's nothing wrong with you besides the fact your parents didn't tell you they loved you" that she started to heal.
In 1999, when Ms Wilson was named PI Businessperson of the Year, she yelled, "Yes, she was wrong, I was right."
She now owns the hair salon and trains unemployed teens as hairdressers in a hope of turning their lives around for the better.
However, not all abused children are able to turn their lives around so successfully and Ms Wilson has spoken out after reading the Herald's "Lost Children" child abuse series in the hope she can help inspire others.
She says children in abusive situations need to know they can speak out against their families and advises they talk to neighbours, teachers, friends - anyone who will listen.
Even now, Ms Wilson is criticised for still speaking out about her abusive background. She said a Samoan church minister asked one of her hairdressing students when she was going to "get over it". Until that kind of attitude goes, Ms Wilson believes the element of fear and abuse behind closed doors will continue.
"I will never stop talking about it until society - families, churches, people like him - stop telling me to keep a lid on abuse. I won't - I will not stop until society and families start speaking up and stop living in fear. My family bags me for talking on this but ... we have to deal with this issue.
"I'm not going to be quiet because kids like Nia Glassie, the Kahui twins, they are vulnerable. I was like that once."
How you can help:
You can make a secure online donation at www.psn.org.nz, click on the "Donate Now" bos on the left hand side of the menu.
Or you can deposit money into their bank account: Family Works NZH, Account 06-0101-0075933-18 or by cheque made out to Presbyterian Support Northern and send to Freepost Authority 2697, PO Box 99890, Newmarket, Auckland 1149.
