Influencer Richard Cooper rejects toxic masculinity label, says men must lead – The Elephant

The Elephant is a new online video series that tackles the conversations New Zealanders often avoid. It dives into big, uncomfortable questions, looking beyond the echo chambers in search of a fearless and honest debate. This week in episode 2, hosts Miriama Kamo and Mark Crysell dive into the manosphere. The episode, and this article, contain distressing content that may upset some viewers.

A Canadian podcaster and “brofluencer” claims Kiwi men should take the lead in relationships, because “there’s only one driver’s seat in a car”.

Populist influencer Richard Cooper joined The Elephant hosts Miriama Kamo and Mark Crysell this week to discuss what many see as a crisis of masculinity for men and boys, asking “Is it toxic, or just masculinity?”

“Men are definitely in crisis … men are softer, weaker,” Cooper says.

“There’s not a problem with toxic masculinity, there’s a complete absence of masculinity, is what it is.”

Kiwi men’s health educator and Muay Thai boxer Richie Hardcore, who also believes there’s a crisis, says it’s leading to growing mental health and suicide problems.

But the two men disagree on the cause and solution.

“If you look at the data, boys and men die by suicide at exceptionally high rates,” Hardcore says.

“I don’t think it’s because they’re weaker or have abandoned traditional notions of masculinity.”

He adds: “How do you help boys and men know that it’s not weak to speak about your feelings? That you’re not any less of a man for struggling with your mental wellbeing? I’m asking you, how do we help men with all of this?”

Wellington Rape Crisis general manager Kyla Rayner agrees: “I’m really interested in the solutions that help us consider what is healthy and safe masculinity.”

It’s statements like this, says Richard Cooper, that are harming men.

“It’s all a load of nonsense ... It’s all, let’s make men softer, let’s make them more agreeable. Let’s build a better beta.”

Canadian podcaster Richard Cooper and Wellington Rape Crisis general manager Kyla Rayner debate toxic masculinity on episode 2 of The Elephant.

A beta is, in Cooper’s world, a submissive and agreeable male, one who has ceded his masculinity, often to female dominance. For Cooper, whose social media handle is “The Unplugged Alpha”, it’s anathema. Men and women are not equal, he believes. They are “very different”.

“There’s only one driver’s seat in a car, isn’t there, right? So there has to be somebody leading.”

When challenged by Hardcore, the Canadian is adamant.

“‘Women don’t want leaders, they want partners and equals’ – they say that, but they routinely divorce partners that they marry.”

Cooper claims “about a billion views plus” on YouTube. His personal website is more modest, listing “over 200 million video views from content that has helped many unplug from lies around relationships, money and self-care”.

His beliefs are common in the manosphere, an online community of men who believe their power and status is being lost to feminism and movements that uplift women.

There is global concern this type of thinking is leading to misogyny moving into the mainstream, infecting young men and encouraging warped ideas about equality and women.

Cooper derides “cuckolds” (which he believes means raising another man’s child, a departure from the traditional definition of the word).

Mental health advocate and anti-violence educator Richie Hardcore joins the toxic masculinity debate on new web series The Elephant.

He believes women ought to cede control to men in their relationships and claims the vast majority of rape allegations are proven false.

He’s corrected by Rayner. “These are some of the problems we have here in Aotearoa with some of these imported ideas that have no place for where we are in the world and where we’ve come from.”

While all three commentators agree men and boys are in crisis, their solutions are poles apart.

“Let’s think about and talk about how we regulate emotions so they don’t harm other people,” says Rayner, “We want to invest in really strong education…”

“All I’m hearing,” responds Cooper, “is build a better beta, build a better beta.”

Watch, listen, and join the conversation – new episodes drop every Thursday across digital, social and broadcast platforms. The Elephant is made with the support of NZ On Air.