Lincoln Tan: Wary Asian students miss out on social interaction

A friend and I were sitting in a cafe having our afternoon latte on Queen St when a group of teenagers entered. The girls were wearing skirts far too short for the sub-10C winter's day, and the boys, in their loud shirts and torn denims, were clearly out to impress.

They talked loudly and their jarring chatter made Starbucks sound like a Chinese restaurant in full yum char swing. Through the expressions of some people at the cafe, I could tell they found the behaviour a little irritating. But the group were just being teenagers and, in their own way, enjoying an exciting phase of their lives on their own terms.

As I observed them revelling in each other's company, my thoughts turned towards my 14-year-old nephew, who moved from Singapore last year to do his high-school studies here as an international student. Wouldn't it be so cool if he could be part of this bunch?

He was sent here because he had been more than a handful for my sister-in-law, whose work as a stained glass artist involved a lot of travelling, and who had problems keeping tabs on him at home.

Back in Singapore, my nephew was one of those kids who loved playing soccer and, from the minute school ended, he was nowhere to be found. He would sometimes even disappear overnight, having a sleepover in friends' or relatives' houses.

But since he started school at high school this year, he has become a very different boy - cloistered and homebound. During one of our conversations while driving him to school one morning, he told me why. Two months ago he was set upon by two boys from a neighbouring school when he was walking home.

The first time, they shoved him, called him a "[expletive] Asian" and told him to go back to where he came from. It became more physical the second time and when a passerby saw the scuffle, my nephew was scolded.

Since then, he has become more wary of going out or even mixing with Kiwis, he says. He reasoned that in Singapore, a wrong stare or a misjudged bump could start a fight, but here, the colour of your skin was enough to make someone hit you.

The boy who once loved soccer and the outdoors now spends most of his days reading, playing online games and communicating with his friends through mobile phone texting.

Discussing his situation with a friend who moved from Malaysia two years ago, for the sake of his children's education, I found that it was not unique.

His children, aged 13 and 16, faced racial taunting in school and had problems making friends like they had back in Malaysia. They both have best friends who are also Asian migrants.

He is resigned to them now spending most of their time at home and communicating on the internet or through texting.

I don't know how widespread this trend is, but it is an unhealthy one that we must put an end to. The many migrant parents who moved here realise that education is not just what is offered in the classroom.

Total education includes being out there in the real world, and physical interaction - with people of different cultures - demands a set of skills which cannot be learned in class or on the internet.

Ignoring, and allowing our children to hide away from, the reality that New Zealand is slowly heading towards becoming a multicultural nation is no solution.

A colleague who migrated here with his wife and two daughters in the late-80s noted a shift in attitudes towards Asian students in schools.

His daughters, who attended Auckland Girls Grammar, were able to integrate with the school's multi-ethnic student population. One of them was even used as a "poster girl" at the school's open day and her "assignment" was to tell migrant parents how she had benefited as a student of the school.

Then, even strangers were helpful. He recalled when he took his daughters to the nearest school for enrolment, he found it was the wrong school. An elderly man came to the rescue. He drove them first to Balmoral Intermediate School to enrol the younger daughter, then to Auckland Girls Grammar School to do the same for the elder daughter.

Is this Kiwi hospitality now a thing of the past because our Asian student population has grown?

On my way to pick up my 6-year-old son from his school in Belmont just before the school holidays, one of his schoolmate's parents remarked that I "and every Chinaman who came here has destroyed the face of New Zealand".

I spoke to his school principal about what was said, and I was given a written assurance by him that such sentiments were not widespread among families and children in the school.

So, because of a racist minority, do we stop engaging with each other and retreat into our separate worlds? That would probably be the worst thing we could do for ourselves, our children and for New Zealand.

The New Zealand Chinese Association is organising a forum next month called "Going Bananas" aimed at engaging our young Kiwi Chinese with mainstream New Zealanders in business, politics and media.

But even before interracial, intercultural engagement can be put on the national agenda, it must start with us as individuals.

My advice to my nephew was, instead of hiding away from trouble-makers, he should learn to spot them and avoid them. I also told him not to react even if provoked. I asked him what would make him more confident to get out there and make the first move in getting to know a Kiwi. Today he starts karate class.