Lincoln Tan: The mayor makes a boob while everyone else has a ball

In polite Asian conversation, we seldom talk about boobs. So, this week, please allow me to be most impolite.

Asian men may differ from Kiwi blokes on many things - rugby, racing and beer - but last week, we probably found something they have a common passion for: breasts.

I would estimate that almost a third of the 100,000 or more people who turned up for the Boobs on Bikes parade were Asian.

Enthusiastic supporters they were as they cheered the porn stars on Harley motorbikes and two tanks, urged on by the topless Jan Maree in a Bentley convertible, and with organiser Steve Crow saying: "If you like boobies, make it known."

Not only Auckland men made up the Queen St crowd - there were women, children and many tourists.

Was the parade really so offensive that Auckland Mayor Dick Hubbard is now hell-bent on trying to ban future ones? I think not.

I thought the parade did Auckland a lot of good. It brought smiles, happy memories and even put money into some central city businesses. I would even say Boobs on Bikes was an act of brilliance by Crow to promote his Erotica Show, which is another matter altogether.

The fact is, few body parts capture the imagination or invite attention as much as breasts, and Crow was sharp enough to capitalise on it.

The obsession with breasts has been around for centuries. That boobs were worshipped can be seen in Egyptian hieroglyphs and on bare-breasted idols found in ancient Khmer temples in Angkor.

In Elizabethan times and in France before the revolution, women wore corsets beneath dresses with plunging necklines to give their breasts more lift.

In ancient days, the Chinese liked their women petite and females wore clothes that covered their form and played down their curves.

Western influence has changed that Chinese perception and now the ideal of the female figure is one with big breasts and skinny body.

Are women who bare their breasts for the pleasure of others being exploited? Far from it. People who say that are not only insulting the intelligence of the women who were part of the boob parade last week but all other women who have been smart enough to make the most of their assets.

Many have made big careers out of their boobs, and made millions of dollars in the process - including the most famous sex symbol of them all, Marilyn Monroe, who said: "Blond hair and breasts, that's how I got started. I couldn't act. All I had was blond hair and a body men liked."

Her picture in the first Playboy , in 1953, made her known to the world. American therapist Dr Ava Cadell said that Playboy gave the public its first taste of breast mania.

Since then, other women with sizeable assets have continued to exploit men's weakness for the breasts, and made a lot of money by doing so.

Among them is Dolly Parton, who said of her 40-DD boobs: "I do have big breasts. Always had 'em, pushed 'em up, whacked 'em around. Why not make fun of them? I've made a fortune with them."

Likewise Pamela Anderson and Jessica Simpson.

Women using their boobs to make money in mainstream entertainment is also prevalent in Asia. An example is the Taiwanese band called Girls F4.

The buxom four - Amy, Fanny, Stacy and Tiffany - charge about NZ$5000 for each appearance when they flaunt their impressive assets.

And they are hot stuff when it comes to exhibitions and product launches because organisers know they will draw people by the thousands.

It was that sort of attraction that Crow seized on - and it paid off 100,000 times over.

He also knew that boobs would guarantee media attention.

Remember when Janet Jackson had a "wardrobe malfunction", the term coined by the United States Federal Communications Commission to describe the incident two years ago when her breast was exposed during a Superbowl half-time performance.

She made the front pages of newspapers around the world - some of which would not have even carried any news on the Superbowl had it not been for Jackson's boobs.

Because the mayor stirred up the controversy by trying to ban the parade, Crow got a real bonus with added media publicity.

The mayor would have better helped his cause had he concentrated on addressing the obscene runaway rates increases rather than say that the parade was obscene.

Unlike Auckland's soaring rates, Boobs on Bikes actually made people happy and brought some economic benefits to the city.

Among them was an excited visitor from India who told the Herald: "This is my first time to see this type of parade. It is not at all legal in my country so it is through my curiosity that I am standing here."

And a couple from Hong Kong told me that Boobs on Bikes was the most exciting thing to happen after their 14-day tour of beautiful but boring New Zealand - and would be what they will most remember about this country.

Another friend of mine, who manages a Japanese restaurant on Albert St, said the parade brought about the busiest lunch crowd she had seen in weeks.

It was something for migrants to get excited about. For a day at least, even the Chinese discussion forums were hot with boob talk rather than the usual angry postings.

The parade also gave Auckland some airtime overseas. I even received an inquiry from a conference organiser in Malaysia asking when the next parade would be and that she was thinking of changing an insurance conference she was planning from Brisbane to Auckland.

So why are the mayor and his supporters stirring up a storm in a bra cup while hoping to bring Auckland into the league of super cities?

An email I received from a Christchurch-based woman journalist probably best sums up what should be said of the hypocritical prurience of Dick Hubbard and company: "The prissy anti-exposed-boob-set need to get a life."

For someone like me, who comes from Singapore - a land where oral sex is a criminal offence - the parade served as a refreshing reminder of the freedom and tolerance New Zealand offers.

To all who were part of the show: Thanks for the mammaries.