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Home / New Zealand

<i>Kerre Woodham</i>: Gift for the grieving

By Kerre McIvor, Kerre Woodham
Herald on Sunday·
19 Apr, 2008 05:00 PM4 mins to read

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Opinion by Kerre McIvorLearn more

KEY POINTS:

Although I was raised a Catholic, I don't have the gift of faith. I know that term "the gift of faith" will set the teeth of non-believers on edge. It sounds like one of those annoying cheesy aphorisms you get from happy-clappy Christians. You know - "Don't get mad, it makes God sad", "If you let God in, He'll drive out sin". That kind of thing.

But having faith or belief really is a gift. I've seen dying men who are believers and dying men who were empathetic atheists and, from my experience, those who have some sort of faith have a much easier time of it dying.

I imagine I'll do a Lord Marchmain, the old rogue from Evelyn Waugh's marvellous Brideshead Revisited - staggering back to the bosom of the church after a dissolute and dissipated life and then, just before the last gasp, making a deathbed confession and receiving absolution. Just in case.

But then again, I know if there is salvation, it can't possibly work like that. You'd have to put in a few hard yards - Sunday morning sermons, lashings of guilt, tedious hymns - before you could possibly expect any sort of chance at redemption.

One Easter Friday I conducted an hour of interviews with scientists who were Christians. The topic was how you can reconcile a belief in God with a career in science where facts and evidence are all.

The star witness was Chuck Missler, an engineer who'd worked with the United States Defence Department. He would have been the ideal person to explain how you can accommodate a belief with a brain - but unfortunately, after I'd wished him a good morning and asked him roughly that question, I didn't understand a single, solitary word for the next 15 minutes.

I decided belief was not for the middle of the road - you either have to be incredibly naive or uber intelligent to be a believer - in any faith. It's not for the wishy-washy, the average or the fainthearted.

I only hope the faith of the families of those poor young people swept away in the tragedy at Tongariro will sustain them through the terrible pain they must be feeling. Six students and a teacher from Elim Christian School all lost to their community and our country.

It is an awe-inspiring loss, and the dignity with which the school community and the families are bearing their grief is amazing.

I cannot imagine how a parent would go on after losing a child - and yet every day, parents do. Their courage and fortitude is incredible. I don't know how they do it, but surely the burden must be easier to bear if you are certain that your child has gone to a better place.

A caller to my talkback show suggested that the parents from Elim must surely lose their faith in God now as their prayers for their children's salvation weren't answered. And I suppose a few of you have encountered that sort of simplistic reaction.

All I can say is that from what I've seen, belief in God is not some sort of commercial transaction - I'll say my prayers every night, you protect me from any pain or grief in my life. It doesn't work like that.

It's not some sort of cosmic insurance policy. Faith doesn't explain why terrible things happen to good people but it offers them a way through the pain, grief and anger. It gives them the strength to endure when others who aren't bolstered by belief might crumble.

The Elim community is a wonderful example of how much of a gift faith can be. I'm only sorry that they are having their faith tested so sorely.

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