KEY POINTS:
We shan't dwell on the mawkish hypocrisy of this wretched tangi in Tokoroa.
If the funeral of a little girl most cruelly killed is indeed "a happy time" then the pleasures of the occasion should be a private affair.
By turning the bathos of their hollow ceremony into a public spectacle, the adults in attendance proved they have no realisation of the enormity of what's been done, nor do they feel any genuine remorse.
And that's the end of the matter.
Which leaves the rest of this column an awkward void - or would, were it not for news of a happier kind.
Which hasn't received much attention in the north, where the revolutionary significance of what's occurred is not fully appreciated by the public at large.
Mind you, that's understandable.
They've had much to preoccupy them, not least the quixotic attempt by Mr Phil Goff (The Minister of Everything Winston Peters Can't Handle) to "nationalise" a private company.
But, important as the opinions of Mr Goff may be - if only to him - they are as nought when compared with the views of a gallant band of youthful pioneers.
Here are the facts of the case, as reported by the Harold's stablemate, the Oamaru Mail.
On the front page of its Tuesday edition, under the heading Shock call from pupils, was the following incredible story: "Believe it or not there's a call to bring back the cane at Waitaki Boys High and it hasn't come from the teachers.
"A recent survey of Waitaki Boys students astonishingly revealed over half of them were in favour of corporal punishment.
"Of the 232 students who responded to a recent tutor group survey, asking if caning should be re-introduced into schools, an astounding 128 (55.2 per cent) said yes."
To which one can only add, "Hallelujah!!" For these are glad tidings indeed; a shot of metaphorical whisky to warm the cockles of a frozen nation's heart - yet not, perchance, Ms Bradford's.
However, let's not get overly concerned about the specific matter of caning. That's really not the issue, although it might have been a handy addition to the armoury of disciplinary measures available at Auckland University this week.
Moreover, it should come as no surprise that students, given the choice, would favour its reintroduction.
The young hate being understood. That's why they mumble. And txt. And display the most appalling taste in haberdashery and music.
They cannot bear the thought that their doddering elders would have any inkling of the agonies and ecstasies of their metamorphosis.
Which makes that current disciplinary favourite, counselling, an especially unpleasant ordeal. Little wonder 55.2 per cent of the Waitaki lads surveyed would rather be bambooed, shall we say, than bamboozled by some earnest adult endeavouring to discover their innermost secrets!
Sadly, despite its pupils' enthusiasm for reform, the school's punishment regime will not be changed.
Like many another adult before him, the rector was quick to categorise the views of his young charges as naïve and uniformed.
"I think probably if they had some experience of it [caning] they would be less enthusiastic," he said.
Well, come along, sir, come along! Look, they're obliged to put bananas on condoms (or vice versa), they're required to endure the indignities of NCEA and the present generation's mutilations of history so, for heaven's sake introduce it on a trial basis, just for six months, your rectorship!
Let the boys find out for themselves that caning's not so swish; that it isn't what it's whacked up to be.
Experiental learning, sir, that's the modern way. "Self-activated pedagogery, internalised realisation, interactive concept transfer"; these are the simple ideas that drive the modern mentor.
So make them real! Give the lads some life education and an opportunity to discover the error of their ways.
We are, after all, supposed to listen to the young. Everyone says that. So let's do it. Let's heed their wishes, however radical they may be.
And there's the rub, as the old Bill might say. For this call to reintroduce caning could just possibly be a sign that the wheel has finally turned full circle. Every generation is convinced it knows best. Every generation spurns the wisdom of its predecessors and charts its own revolutionary course.
When the baby boomers were at school, they had to cut their hair, pull their socks up and refrain from smoking in uniform. So they knew precisely how to rebel, and they did.
And when they became teachers they took their rebellion to the front of the class, thinking - as the deluded always do - that the young would meekly toe their line.
But they won't! Not now. Not ever. They will go their own defiant way, however incredulous and horrified the establishment may be.
Asked why he supported reform, one Waitaki student said, "an old-fashioned caning would reinforce the fact that in life negative actions are often met with negative consequences".
Now there's a thought for Wellington and Tokoroa and all points in between.
