KEY POINTS:
It was all very well for Romeo to ask "What's in a name?" His only problem was a family feud which, from my admittedly jaundiced point of view, is simpler than going through life with a moniker that is at best a talking point but more often than not the source of confusion and irritation.
Elspeth is the Scottish form of Elizabeth and it is pronounced Els bith. Not Els peth, Elzz bith, Elzz a beth, or any of the other variations from albatross to Elizabeth to which I have had to answer.
Fortunately it is a name which lends itself to diminutives and most people call me Ele. That is often misspelled or taken to be a shortened form of Alison, which causes confusion. But at least there is little doubt over how to pronounce it.
While I may not like my name, at least my parents chose it with the best of intentions, which is more than can be said for Mr and Mrs Bridge, who christened their son Sydney Harbour. And even that is not so bad as the child whose parents saddled him with the names of an entire football team.
A British psychologist who undertook a study of unusual names concluded they can cause psychological harm. No wonder when some of the gems he encountered included Attracta Mann, Annete Curtain, Robin Banks, Susan Eatwell Burpit and Trina Field.
However, names with double meanings are not always the fault of parents with a perverse sense of humour. Even if you choose your child's name with due care and sensitivity there is no allowing for changes in fashion and meaning.
Gay used to be a popular name with connotations of happiness but now it has quite a different meaning.
And it is not just names but initials which must be considered.
I once worked for a paper which referred to people by title, initials and surname.
One woman I interviewed said she would prefer to have only her name or first initial used.
When I checked the electoral roll back at the office I understood - her first names were Veronica Dawn.
My husband was named after his father, then called by his second name to avoid confusion. So when it came to choosing names for our children we agreed we would give them names we were going to call them by, which would be short and easy to pronounce.
Unfortunately that is also the criteria used by shepherds, so the expectant father, who is a farmer, dismissed most of my suggestions with, "No, I knew a dog called that."
We finally settled on Jane, Tom and Dan. It hadn't occurred to us people would assume we meant Jayne, Thomas and Daniel because no name is so simple it won't be changed by those who think they know better.
But at least we haven't blessed anyone with a name which needs a five-minute explanation with every introduction.
Not every parent worries about such things and that is their right.
But when I encounter some of the weird and not very wonderful names some children bear I feel great sympathy for them.
Because while Romeo reckoned, "a rose by any other name would small as sweet" I believe Anne of Green Gables won the argument when she asked, "Would it really, if it was called a skunk cabbage?"
* Elspeth Ludemann lives in North Otago.
