KEY POINTS:
You're f***ing annoying, do you know that? Hurry the f*** up!" Partly out of shock, partly out of curiosity, I turned to view the person using this language in a busy public place. My shock doubled when I saw it was a mother telling off her son, aged
about 4, for walking too slowly across a carpark outside Rainbow's End in Manukau City recently.
Immediately, a myriad of confusing thoughts raced through my mind. Should I intervene and inform the mother that it was unacceptable to use such language in front of children, let alone when talking to her own child? Was it my business to do so? Is parenting better left to parents without others butting in?
Isn't verbal abuse just as damaging to children as smacking, now outlawed in New Zealand? Was it my duty as a member of the public to do something? Would I be the target of even worse verbal or perhaps physical abuse if I intervened?
In the end I took the easy route and did nothing except shake my head. I felt uneasy and desperately sorry for the child and was left wondering what some sectors of our society were coming to.
Much to my concern, I am noticing such scenes with increasing frequency. Some weeks previously, while holidaying at a beach near Whakatane, I had observed a similar, equally disturbing scene.
Another young mother yelled impatiently at her young son, using the f-word repeatedly, as she ordered him to end his playtime in the lagoon. These are just two examples of something that is happening more and more in our country.
The women involved in both the incidents were of the same ethnicity, I noticed. It makes me feel uncomfortable to have brought this fact to attention, and makes me question myself whether I'm being racist in making this observation.
Equally I wonder whether it would be insipid political correctness to purposely ignore this observation. Like many other New Zealanders, I suspect, I do not have easy answers to these questions. But I am left wondering whether this problem is more pronounced amongst certain communities.
Is my level of discomfort with this kind of verbal abuse an over-reaction? After all, the meanings of words change considerably over time, and words thought offensive and unmentionable in public just a few decades ago are today in common usage even in polite society.
In 1956, after a bruising test series win over the Springboks, All Black Peter Jones famously shocked New Zealand and caused a public stir when he announced on public radio in his post-match interview that he was "absolutely buggered".
The language he used was considered by many in those times to refer to homosexual intercourse, which of course was not at all what Jones was talking about.
The b-word is now commonly used, even appearing on television commercials for cars. Similarly "bloody" is now regularly used to express mild annoyance at a situation or object, whilst some still consider it to be a blasphemous reference to a crucified Christ. And similarly the mothers I observed this summer were not referring to the reproductive act when crudely telling off their children.
Linguists confirm this phenomenon of the changing meaning of words. Many words once considered to be obscene expletives, are now accepted by dictionary editors as bona-fide members of the English language.
If you have not yet done so, flick through a reputable dictionary and see how once unmentionable words have been reborn as more respectable, fully-fledged words with different and more polite meanings than their original.
So am I over-reacting to the increasing infiltration of the f-word into our language and society? People can decide. I, for one, remain uncomfortable when hearing that word in public, particularly when directed at children.
Perhaps it is time that we consider resurrecting the nanny state and introducing an anti-cussing law.
Or could it be possible that individuals concerned about this issue can make a difference and positively influence society by speaking out when we encounter such inappropriate verbal abuse.
* Derek Martin has an MA in linguistics. He is Academic Director of Laidlaw College.