Cut and thrust: MPs cackle over hen-house jibes

By FRANCESCA MOLD

It started with a contaminated chicken.

All Green MP Sue Kedgley wanted to know was whether the Government cared about the fact chickens eaten by New Zealanders were tainted by antibiotic resistant bacteria.

But MPs fixated on a possible early election quickly twisted her sincere interest in food safety into a hilarious Question Time slanging match.

The Government initially tried to treat the issue with some seriousness.

A straight-faced Health Minister Annette King reassured Ms Kedgley that naturally occurring bacteria were common in humans, animals and the environment.

But her colleague Labour backbencher Mita Ririnui quickly sparked a rapid descent from a serious question and answer session into chaos.

Mr Ririnui was supposed to ask his minister the usual patsy question.

But it seems he was less than thrilled at being delegated that responsibility.

"Not that I really want to know but ... ," he began.

After a moment of shocked surprise, the Opposition howled with laughter, while the Government front bench sent dark looks Mr Ririnui's way.

Speaker Jonathan Hunt was quick to punish the backbencher for his attitude by relieving him of the opportunity to ask his question. Not that Mr Ririnui looked upset at the sanction.

Sue Kedgley desperately tried to recapture some seriousness.

She called on the Government to stop "shilly-shallying around" over the issue of antibiotics and animals.

But the fun had just begun.

"The minister has turned chicken," interjected one sharp wit from the Opposition benches.

"This minister is no chicken," shot back a feisty Mrs King.

"No spring chicken," retorted National's Maurice Williamson.

"She's roast chicken," chipped in Act's Rodney Hide.

A frustrated Jonathan Hunt ended the tit-for-tat with a sigh. "I can feel a steak at the Green Parrot coming on."

Then it was time to switch the attack to Police Minister George Hawkins.

His puppet-like finger stabbing in the Opposition's direction earned him a call from Maurice Williamson for someone to quickly treat him with some antibiotics.

Mr Hawkins tried to fight back by tabling a "kill, kill" warning to newspapers not to use a story quoting National's police spokesman Tony Ryall and a cartoon poking fun at the Opposition's election year policy releases.

But National's Roger Sowry quickly had the last word.

"If the minister wants to table a joke, he can table himself."

The election was very clearly on MPs' minds yesterday.

National whip John Carter informed the House of a report that a hall had been booked for polling day in one unnamed electorate for the date of July 27.

There was also interest in just who the Government might go into coalition with.

New Zealand First leader Winston Peters wanted to know if Labour intended cosying up to the Greens - a "bunch of left-wing pinko fruitloops".

Labour minister Phil Goff snapped back that at least his Government wouldn't snuggle up to a party that it had promised voters it wouldn't.

But whenever the election date actually is, one thing is clear.

Some of the MPs revelling in yesterday's fun may find themselves in the same situation as the innocent chicken.

With their heads firmly fixed on the chopping block.