KEY POINTS:
For sale: one American off-roader brand. Big name and military inspired. Two careful owners. Lack of relevance forces reluctant sale. Call during office hours, ask for Rick.
Last month, American giant General Motors (GM) announced it was putting its Hummer brand up for sale following falling sales and
rising fuel prices.
So the timing couldn't be worse for GM Premium brands - that's the division of Holden that handles Hummer, Saab and soon Cadillac - to be trying to convince buyers in New Zealand the "baby Hummer" H3 is the next big thing in four-wheel drives.
It certainly is big. True, it's shorter than a Ford Territory or Land Cruiser Prado, but it's two metres wide and, because the win-dows are so shallow, you can't see much of what's around you in the city. Reversing is a nightmare. The H3 is a real handful.
But fun, right? Well, yes. There is still novelty value in this set-square express, if the waves and thumbs-up gestures are anything to go by.
Credit where credit's due - the comic-book styling says this is not a car to be taken too seriously.
But nor has Hummer made much of an effort to keep pace with the rest of the automotive world.
The H3 is the first Hummer designed to be exported outside America (ours are built in South Africa), but its thirsty petrol engine, four-speed automatic transmission and decidedly wobbly on-road dynamics are below par compared with the competition.
On the plus side, the H3 is awesome off-road - even our fully loaded Luxury version - which gives it a bit of credibility in the urban crawl.
A wussy "crossover" it isn't, but the tight turning circle puts some family sedans to shame. Score one for Hummer, dude.
And maybe another with reasonably well-suppressed wind and road noise. It's a pretty quiet vehicle to travel in at open-road speeds.
But that's where the plaudits stop. The five-cylinder engine is typically American - low outputs from a relatively large capacity and breathless at high revs. The gaps between ratios in the automatic gearbox are wide and the ride/handling is approximate, to say the least.
Nor is the H3 particularly practical for such a large vehicle.
The rear seat is pretty cramped. The boot is small and awkwardly shaped, with a high loading lip.
What were they thinking? Probably that the H3 only had to be as polished and practical as other American four- wheel-drives, which it is.
American carmakers can be a bit insular, even when they're looking for export sales.
A diesel-powered H3 is on the way and should appear next year.
That will be about a million times more feasible as daily transport than the current petrol version. But you still can't escape the feeling that the H3 is a car out of its time. Even GM - which has owned the Hummer brand since 1998 - seems to agree. Shame, because it is still kinda fun.
A week in a Hummer is a bit like having an all-day pass to the scariest ride at the amusement park. It's exciting to think about, women think you're cool and small kids want to be your best friend.
But it doesn't take long to discover you're actually feeling a bit queasy and you've probably had enough. Still, something to tell your friends about.
