How would animals vote?

Minister for Primary Industries, Nathan Guy (left), and Minister of Conservation, Dr Nick Smith. Picture / Hagen Hopkins

If animals were to vote, who would they elect?

Some animal votes are easy to pick but others a lot less so.

For example, following the departure from politics of leading anti-vivisectionist John Banks and the emergence in his place of Green Party's Mojo Mathers, I'm expecting domestic pets will flock to the left.

Simon Bridges gained ground for National following his Animal Welfare Amendment Bill, which increased penalties for cruelty to farm animals in 2010.

But since then Bridges has squandered his popularity among marine animals.

The Planet Key video shows him wading in the sea behind the Prime Minister, who is strumming a Maui's dolphin, then an oil rig explodes in the background.

Offending the Maui's is not the real problem, as only 50 or so remain. It's more that marine animals in general will abhor deep sea oil exploration, and vote against the Government and Labour (which also seems to support it).

Sharks could be out punish National too.

A ban on finning of all shark species (except blue sharks) was to be introduced by October 2015, with a ban on removing blue sharks' fins introduced in 2016.

Fair enough, Nick Smith has now brought this ban forward to next month (except for blues).

But I'm picking that sharks who've seen their school mates trying to swim around without fins, will remain strong opponents of National.

Meawhile, the endangered longfin eel seems to lack political friends of any kind.

Last year the Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment called for a ban on the commercial fishing of these animals, saying she feared they were on the road to extinction.

The Government response was to commission an international panel, which essentially has called for more data to be collected while commercial exploitation continues.

You'd think disgruntled longfins would move from main parties to the Maori Party, or possibly Internet Mana, both of which have previously backed better eel conservation.
But since iwi now control much of the commercial eel quota, it's unclear how firm their support will be.

In my view the effect of the 1080 debate on animal politics is easier to predict.

Native birds, those tired of seeing their chicks gobbled up by rats and stoats, are going to support continued aerial use of this poison, and therefore stick with National or Labour.

Rats and stoats, those destined to eat 1080 pellets and die horrible deaths by the thousand, will no doubt oppose its use and vote for United Future, New Zealand First or the Ban 1080 Party.