How to beat co-worker hell

If there is someone at work you find impossible to get along with and dread the sight of them coming into the office then you may be dealing with a case of "co-worker hell".

Organisational psychologist and consultant at Cerno, Dr Kate Mirfin, says the best way to handle the situation is to openly address it.

"For a lot of people it might be that they just do not realise that that's how they're coming across. Some people will be quite surprised and quite disappointed but they won't necessarily know what to do about it," Mirfin says.

If co-workers aren't exactly beating a path to your office or the conversation goes silent as you approach the water cooler, you might ask yourself if the office demon is you.

"They don't realise that people are staying away from them because they don't know how they're going to react. They don't realise they're not getting the feedback that they need to keep their performance in check."

Mirfin says the worst types of personalities to be stuck in an office with are the moody and arrogant. With the moody ones you never know what you're going to get.

"They're the kind of people who can be really friendly, positive, affirming and enthusiastic one day and then another day be quite negative, down, critical, frustrated and fly off the handle for minor things."

The co-workers of a moody worker may find themselves walking on eggshells trying to see if it's safe to approach.

"Sometimes they will ask other staff, 'What's he or she like today?"'

Moody workers are difficult to trust so co-workers keep their distance and become cautious.

"People are distanced from what's going on which means it's harder for them to pick-up cues and make the moves that they need. They lose touch with other people because other people start to avoid them and they can fail to see what issues might be on the horizon."

If moody is bad then arrogant is worse. The arrogant co-worker thinks they have all the answers and shoots down other people's suggestions. But besides zapping all the creativity out of an organisation, the arrogant worker with their blind vision also stops learning and adjusting to change themselves.

"They tend not to listen to other people's ideas. They tend to ride over people. They can sometimes seem like a bit of a bully and could have even an inflated view of their own self-worth."

If you've got a demon in the office, you must act. First, find a colleague and have the old, "Is it me or is it them?" conversation.

Once you're confident it's them, address the issue with them directly and in private.

"Describe to them how you're finding their behaviour taking care not to make what you're saying sound like a criticism. Take it on yourself using 'I' statements such as, 'I'm not sure I understand' or 'I find it quite hard when you do this'.

"You're trying to describe to them the impact of their behaviour on you rather than say that it's wrong of them to do it. Quite a lot of the time it will sneak up on them unnoticed."

The main thing is not to let the conversation get personal. Keep it in work terms such as: "I find it difficult when you don't listen to my ideas because we're not following up an initiative that may help the company."

If that doesn't work and the gloves come off and things get ugly then you'll need to bring in your manager. But keep in mind, managers hate this stuff.

"Managing conflict is one of the hardest things for managers to do. Most people appreciate that it's better to nip it in the bud as soon as possible but because they don't always really like confrontation, some people might have a tendency to leave it a little bit just hoping it might resolve itself - but it tends not to. It tends only to get worse. Normally the sooner you step in the more successful the outcome," Mirfin says.

Office conflict is not just an inconvenience for an organisation; it can have some deep and serious impact on the business.

"It is the manager's responsibility to step in and try to resolve that conflict because not resolving it could result in a less productive work atmosphere, people being unhappy, taking sick days and eventually moving on and looking for other opportunities."