Heather du Plessis-Allan: Labour’s vote against Nicola Willis’ paid parental leave bill goes down badly with even Labour luvvies

Former Speaker Trevor Mallard holds Willow-Jean Prime's baby in November 2017 as members of the House debate Labour's bill to extend paid parental leave. Photo / Mark Mitchell

OPINION

There’s a thing you learn in the sleep-deprived craze after having a baby: do not for the love of God ever give parents unsolicited advice on how to parent.

Like the time when our little mate started waking up twice a night again because of the triple combo of a cold plus teething plus a developmental leap. I moaned to a colleague. She responded with, “Oh I don’t have that because I learned very early on to put her in bed with me.” I wanted to punch her right in the face.

Or the time my mum recommended stricter discipline around feeding time. She regretted that around two minutes into the ensuing lecture on why feeding discipline was next week’s problem because this week’s problem was the diarrhoea and that was enough thanks.

Or the time I broke the no-advice rule. I bumped into a peer at an evening function. She had her six-month-old baby on her hip. Before I could punch myself in the face I’d said, “Shouldn’t he be in bed?” I’ve hated myself ever since. He wasn’t up because they were shite parents. He was up because putting him to bed later means he wakes up later and suits them.

And that is why you never give parents advice. Because what works for you, might not work for them. Every set of parents is different.

There are a lot of new parents in Labour. Tāmati Coffey had his second six months ago. So it’s surprising none of them passed on the golden rule and stopped Labour making a prat of itself over paid parental leave.

It has gone down very badly with even Labour luvvies that the party voted against Nicola Willis’ parental leave bill.

On Wednesday, every party bar Labour supported her bill to allow parents to take paid parental leave at the same time. That’s not possible at the moment. The primary parent gets 26 weeks. They can share some of that with the other parent if they want. But they can only share it once. And they can’t both take it at the same time. It has to be one parent, then the other parent.

For most parents that works fine. But not for all parents. Some babies come very early. Some are twins or triplets. Some mums get bad postnatal depression. In all of those cases, it could be very helpful to the mum if the other parent is at home helping her for the first three months.

What makes Labour’s move worse is that this would not cost the country anything extra.

What makes it even worse is Labour’s brain explosion of an explanation. A spokesperson says the party voted against the bill because it “would mean a mother would have fewer consecutive weeks off with their child”. As in, the State is telling mums that what is best for them is that they stay home with the baby for longer. How very 1960s of them.

It’s an especially dick move from Labour because the party’s former leader Jacinda Ardern spent all of six weeks at home with her baby. And we celebrated the progressiveness of her having the choice. And Labour loved it.

And they loved that taking over the parental leave made Clarke Gayford internationally famous. And they loved the Labour MPs taking their newborns into the debating chamber to sit on the former Speaker’s lap.

This week’s move is obviously dripping in politics on both sides. Labour probably didn’t want to give Willis a win that would assist her burgeoning working-mum brand. Plus, it sounds like Labour might want that space to themselves, with rumours they may be considering a big election policy around parental leave.

National is also absolutely delighting in the outrage at baby-friendly Labour doing something baby unfriendly. But even National must know that this is, yes helpful, but small beer compared to what Kiwi parents would actually like, which is more generous paid parental leave.

But politics is not something people think about when they’re awake at 3am with colicky premature twins. What they think about is how much they will need a nap the next day and how impossible that will be when they’re the only parent at home. Thanks, Labour.

Heather du Plessis-Allan Drive, Newstalk ZB, 4pm-7pm, weekdays.