Hawke’s Bay chef on losing his sight: ‘They say the blind can’t lead the blind. I disagree’

Earl Zapf (inset) has shared his journey of losing his vision in a new book. Photo / NZME

A former Hawke’s Bay chef has written a book about going blind in the hope that it will help others.

“They say the blind can’t lead the blind. I disagree,” reads the opening line of Earl Zapf’s book Blindfulness.

Zapf, from Central Hawke’s Bay, was a chef tutor at Eastern Institute of Technology and ran an art studio when his sight began to deteriorate in 2021.

He was diagnosed with myopic macular degeneration (MMD), which has no known cure, and he has since lost most of his vision.

“I have some vision left, but it is not a lot,” he said.

“I have no central vision, or very, very little central vision left ... so I can’t really focus on anything anymore.”

He still has peripheral vision and can read the likes of large print, but has been forced to adjust most areas of his life.

“What we identify ourselves with is generally based on vision.

“I used to be a painter, I used to be a chef, I used to be a driver of cars, I used to be independent.

“All of those things fall away, and then all of a sudden you are there with ‘Who am I? What’s left now?’

“Those are the big things that I have dealt with through the writing process.”

How we identify ourselves is generally based on vision, says Earl Zapf, who began losing his sight in 2021.

He said it can be lonely losing your vision, and he wanted to support others by sharing his own experiences.

“I really wrote it because I couldn’t find anything that spoke honestly about it – what it is like to lose your sight.

“So I started to write it, really, to make sense for myself what it was like, and also I realised that this is going to affect others, obviously, as strongly as it affected me.

“It was definitely a strong motivation to lend a hand to others.”

However, he states in the book that it is “not a manual”, but rather a “collection of field notes”.

Zapf, originally from Germany, also shares how mindfulness meditation has helped him and pays special tribute to his partner, Shelley, who has been his rock.

BOOK EXCERPT:

I remember one doctor telling me to ‘get my affairs in order’ when I asked how long it might be before I lost my vision completely.

Isn’t that something you say to someone who’s dying? For a fleeting moment, I wondered, was I dying? Was this terminal?

I now understand that, for many people, the thought of losing their vision is as significant as dying.

I was surprised to discover that one of my eye specialists felt that way.

Digesting the diagnosis was difficult at first. Disbelief, denial, anger, grief, a potent cocktail of emotions wrestled for control of my mind.

A book launch for Blindfulness is being held at Napier’s Wardini Books at 5.30pm on April 10.

The book will be available at Wardini Books and through the book’s website. It will also be made available via e-book or audiobook.