Greg Dixon's Weekend

PAPER OVER CRACKS

Now we all know that His Magisterial Majesty Michael Laws, Lord Mayor of Wanganui and Empress of the Whanganui, has a thing about his ablutions. How fondly I remember those episodes of Celebrity Treasure Island where he didn't make an appearance because he'd buggered off to the other end of the island for the day with a spade.

How I laugh when I recall his Intrepid Journeys trip to Ecuador and his discovery of the quaintness of third world plumbing. Yes, the man and his toilet habits are legend.

However, I cannot confirm the rumour that at the Wanganui radio station, from which the Lord Mayor still transmits his ghastly Radio Pacific show to the nation, he has demanded special three-ply toilet paper be provided.

Nor can I substantiate the rider: that only the great man's rear is allowed to come into contact with said special three-ply toilet paper. So I won't mention any of it if you don't.

HOLMES IN NEW UNMENTIONABLES SHOCK

Well what a fizzer HRH Don Brash's Orewa speech was. I'm told the real highlight was the late broadcaster Paul Holmes doing one of the raffles. The man whose former paramour Fleur Revell once handed him her knickers in a restaurant, was roped in to draw the winner - of a 50 buck lingerie voucher.

READ IT AND WEEP

So here we were all wondering what bad Bill Ralston, former editor of Metro, actually meant by "up-market magazine" when he promised that Susan Wood's elevation to 7pm current affair goddess meant she would be talking only to such creatures.

"I'd certainly be more keen to see Susan in a more up-market magazine than some of the women's mags of the week", the TVNZ news boss told this newspaper in December.

Well, this month's edition of the seemingly sophisticated Australian Women's Weekly features an "exclusive interview" with her ladyship on her "boys, balance and her biggest challenge yet".

The only difference with the alleged down-market magazines? It goes on and on and on for what feels like forever - a bit like an episode of Close Up@7.

But it definitely does have one thing in common with less hoity toity cousins: Wood, who raves about her journalistic cred, got copy approval on the story.

And it's still filled with her deathless quotes. "I believe that life and success is all about small steps. You get out of bed in the morning and just deal with what the day throws at you".

A passage from Descartes? Probably not.

FROM KING KONG TO TINY TIM

Well Peter Jackson says he's filming a remake of King Kong. But one look at the guy on the telly this week and you'd think he was remaking The Incredible Shrinking Man.

Apparently he's lost more than 11kg. And no, it's not because his American money men, shocked at the number of pies consumed on Rings, have cut the catering budget on Kong.

mailto: dixonweek@nzherald.co.nz