Kirsty Wallis says talking with others who experienced postnatal depression and going to church helped start her healing journey. Photo / Andrew Warner
Having a baby at 37 was "a big shock" for Kirsty Wallis after she had spent her life travelling around the world.
The Rotorua mother said her birth was "quite traumatic" and she soon realised how scary it was to have a baby who was "so dependent" on her.
Wallis thought she was experiencing "mother's blues".
"But now that I look back, I actually realised that I had depression."
Statistics from Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Aotearoa show one in four women and one in 10 men experience postnatal depression.
This week is Perinatal Mental Health Awareness Week, which aims to create awareness of this "silent problem" and to ensure health professionals have the education and future parents the support needed to navigate early parenting, Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Aotearoa says.
Wallis said becoming a mother was "a big change", particularly after having the freedom to travel.
"Having a child and having to stay in one place was a big shock for my system."
She recalled giving birth and how people talked about a "rush of love" you were supposed to feel.
"I remember looking at her thinking okay that's my child, but she's like a little strange alien that came to my house."
Wallis said she recalled holding her baby while recovering from an emergency caesarean.
"I was so tired that I fell asleep and dropped my arms and she rolled down my legs.
"This child is so dependent on me and it's scary."
Wallis said she used to call people crying saying: "I can't do this, what do I do with this child, I can't look after her any more."
She decided to put a post on Facebook about how she was feeling and got "hundreds of replies" in support from friends and family who shared their own personal stories.
"It was absolutely amazing, because that was when I started to understand that I wasn't alone in what I was feeling.
"I thought I was a complete weirdo, but that's why talking about it is so important.
"Our tendency not to share it is a danger to our mental health because if we don't talk about these things we can never come and stand beside these mums."
Talking, along with going to a local church, was the start of her healing process, she said.
At the church, she started to understand what an "honour" and an "amazing job" it was to be a mother.
"So I started to change my mindset and look at that differently."
Wallis is a community co-ordinator at the Kimiora Community Trust.
The trust has a free mothers' support initiative called Waahi Aroha, which runs workshops such as health and fitness and had "chat groups" through its "mums and bubs" group.
The programmes were led by the needs of the attending mothers, she said.
Flourishing Families Rotorua clinical psychologist Tina Berryman-Kamp said the transition to parenthood was a physical, social and emotional change.
"We don't discuss that, and then people feel when it's hard that there's something wrong with them, that they're doing it wrong.
"A lot of people are not aware that it is so common for people to feel distressed.
"This idea that having a baby is going to be very happy for you is not realistic for many people."
Berryman-Kamp used to run a community-based perinatal service in Rotorua but shut it in 2019 because she felt there was a need for "a far more holistic, wraparound option".
For many people, she felt they did not need a clinical service run by a psychologist and more peer, emotional and practical support was needed.
"I think it's awesome we have this support ... my concern is the access to talking therapies is really limited in Rotorua."
Lakes District Health Board mental health addiction and wellbeing principal advisor Michael O'Connell said the board commissioned a "full perinatal mental health needs analysis" with the stakeholder group in 2019.
After the analysis, investment was made in a range of services focusing on primary care and early intervention, he said.
This included new perinatal peer roles in Tipu Ora and Tūwharetoa Health in 2020 and a new perinatal educator role to support capability growth across all organisations that intersected with hapu māmā.
Two "community-facing" peer roles with Tipu Ora and Taupō specialist perinatal services were also invested in to "walk alongside hapu māmā and make sure she is connected to whatever social services are required to minimise her distress and ensure baby has a good start to life".
Additional investment was made in both Rotorua and Taupō Perinatal specialist services in 2019.
He said there had been a "significant increase" in the provision of talking therapies across the primary health care sector with more than 10 health practitioners being available free of charge via general practices.
Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Aotearoa general manager Treena Cooper said becoming a parent could be a wonderful experience but it also brought many changes and challenges.
"Everybody feels down or angry from time to time but a depressive illness is more than that. It is when several symptoms occur over the same time period."
"At its most serious it can be life-threatening and can pose a risk to the mum or birthing parent, the baby and their family."
A Helen Clark Foundation report published last week revealed suicide was the leading cause of deaths among pregnant women and new mothers. Cooper said the report made a number of recommendations, including improving access to public housing, increasing funding for midwifery services, extending ACC coverage to birth injuries and making it easier to get culturally appropriate support for distressed parents.
"Our work at PADA is to provide education and training for those health care providers supporting parents experiencing perinatal anxiety or depression.
"If they can screen confidently, ask the right questions and refer to suitable services then this will help give the parents a better start and create better attachment with their baby."
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
For counselling and support
Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Need to talk? Call or text 1737
Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202
For children and young people
Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234
What's Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)
The Lowdown: Text 5626 or webchat
For help with specific issues
Alcohol and Drug Helpline: Call 0800 787 797
Anxiety Helpline: Call 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)
OutLine: Call 0800 688 5463 (0800 OUTLINE) (6pm-9pm)
Safe to talk (sexual harm): Call 0800 044 334 or text 4334
All services are free and available 24/7 unless otherwise specified.
For more information and support, talk to your local doctor, hauora, community mental health team, or counselling service.
The woman was shaken by the incident.