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Home / New Zealand

Going forward into idiotic terms

By Dominic George
NZME. regionals·
31 Mar, 2016 12:51 AM4 mins to read

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Phrases uttered by our politicians, business people and sports stars are often "hollow as hell".

Phrases uttered by our politicians, business people and sports stars are often "hollow as hell".

I hadn't heard of the phrase "continuity with change" until Don Nicholson alerted me to it on the Farming Show a couple of days ago.

The former Federated Farmers President was lamenting the phrase, along with the performance of his racing horse Comet over the Easter Break.

He believes it's simply the latest addition to the pantheon of moronic phrases that start life in the corporate world and insidiously find their way into the common vernacular.

In Don's opinion we're stooping to a new low with this sort of guff.

He quite rightly calls it "hollow as hell", as a few charlatans masquerading as business analysts periodically latch on to a new saying and incorporate it into their public speaking.

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The brilliant thing about this slogan is the fact it was nicked from US political satire show Veep by Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull.

In the show "continuity with change" is plastered on the side of a bus during an election campaign in an effort, says the writer, to create something "hollow and oxymoronic, to say absolutely nothing but seem to have depth and meaning".

It's then simply a matter of life imitating art, as Turnbull's crew dropped "with" for "and", and there you have it.

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The more I pay attention to things the more I realise this phraseology is everywhere, appearing to say a lot but actually saying nothing at all.

Probably the most famous is the old corporate line, "going forward".

It alludes to the future - it's like a full-stop on a point of view that can't possibly be argued with; it covers a multitude of sins.

And yet, of course, this ubiquitous nonsense says nothing at all. If users of "going forward" were honest, they'd say "I've got nothing more to add", or "I don't know", or "next subject please".

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Sports people and administrators are often at the front of the queue when it comes to incorporating business-speak into their sphere.

In fact sport now virtually owns "going forward" such is the regularity with which its practitioners deploy it.

Sport also loves other meaningless and annoying phrases borrowed from the business world, such as the aurally offensive "key learnings" and the grammatically incorrect "work-ons".

To live in a world where talking in corporate-speak is a daily occurrence and not a novelty would drive me to the nut-house.

I recently came across an email where the recipients were told of some new employees joining the team.

The reason for their inclusion was, and I quote, "to double-down on driving key revenue verticals" ... Now stop and go back and read it again. I know, utterly remarkable.

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What does it all mean?!?! My head was spinning for days just trying to find a starting point! Double-down? Is it a KFC burger?!? What's a vertical and why does it need to be driven?

After the initial shock it's now become a source of unrivalled pleasure. There's barely a day goes by where those in the FS team don't double-down on their verticals in some shape or form.

A request to have one task or another performed is often answered with a, "hang on, I've just gotta double-down this revenue vertical then I'll get on to it".

I've even seen a knowing nod from a sales rep as they pass by this verbal interaction, giving the impression they know exactly what's going on. Maybe they do?

In essence Don Nicholson is right. These phrases uttered by our politicians, business people and sports stars are "hollow as hell". He's not the first to see through them; there's even a British website very cleverly named the Institution of Silly and Meaningless Sayings, or isms, which kept a running count of "going forwards" until they almost lost the will to live.

But at least Don and others like him are holding this kind of language to account.

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He now needs to hold that nag Comet to account and get rid of him like a bad phrase.

He should call his next one Continuity with Change or Going Forward; guaranteed winners.

- Dominic George hosts Farming First, 5am-6am weekdays on Radio Sport.

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