KEY POINTS:
I had a breakdown in my early to mid-30s. At that time, in the 80s, there were few counsellors and the idea of counselling was not widely accepted, nor were the benefits of it widely recognised. It wasn't easy to admit to myself that was what was happening. I felt guilty, ashamed, found nowhere to turn for help, so I "weathered it" I guess you could say. As a result, the reasons it happened were never examined and some years later depression hit me in a big way. By then counselling was much more readily available and I sought help.
Going back over the painful experiences in my life from childhood onwards helped me to understand my own behaviour patterns and, working with my counsellor, I came up with some new ways of understanding myself and of handling depression and its debilitating consequences.
There is still a stigma attached to counselling in New Zealand. Seeking help is still seen as a sign of weakness. In our culture, there is a strong sense of "do it yourself" that spills over into all aspects of human experience. If you're not in charge of your life there is stigma attached, as well as blame - why haven't you got your act together?
Counselling isn't only talking. There are other techniques as well. However, talking about the difficult things connects you to other people, to the human condition - "no man is an island". It is easy to lock oneself away, to become fixed in a negative, defeated pattern of thinking. Talking can validate you and what you are going through and it can help you see that there might be other ways of understanding yourself, other ways of seeing and doing things.
Expressing myself is important. As an actor, unless you write your own work, you are expressing someone else's version of reality. And as a writer, it depends on what you write, whether you are a writer who tells your personal story or you are a writer who writes about what you see in the world around you - I'm the latter. I am interested in how society works, what our underpinning values and beliefs are.
I don't do a lot of acting these days. I like the solitude, the living with my own processes and thoughts, that writing allows me. And writing is a slow process; it takes up a lot of time.
My motto is: Das Leben ist zu kurz um schlechten wein zu trinken (life is too short to drink bad wine).
I'm an old-fashioned socialist and I believe in collective social responsibility. We are all responsible for what happens to everyone in our community and for looking after those who make mistakes and struggle to make their lives work.
I don't write for a living because it doesn't make me one - I work part-time as well. When people find out what I do for a living, some think I'm a fool, some wish they could do it too; those who do it too commiserate. I have things that I want to say about the world we live in. And I wouldn't know what else to do that wouldn't drive me round the bend.
Botox, facelifts, any kind of enhancing beauty treatment - I regard them all as a waste of money. One's face is one's character.
I consult an astrologer every year around my birthday. My 7th form English teacher introduced me to it and I have found its psychological profiling and metaphorical descriptions of human experience interesting and useful ever since.
I wish I had never had to live in a world where women and children continue to be victims of rape and domestic violence.
* Frances Edmond is president of the NZ Writers' Guild, and is a writer and an actor. Counselling Awareness Week runs from June 9-16, see homeandfamily.org.nz
