For the next week she woke every morning and reached for her phone, reading more and more about family harm and intimate partner violence.
Then, she made a decision.
No longer would she live in fear of her partner.
No longer would she let him subject her to physical and psychological abuse, be threatened, isolated, stalked or cyber bullied.
She was done.
"Right now, this moment, I'm smiling. I have butterflies in my stomach. I'm really looking forward to the rest of my life now. I feel powerful," she said in an email to the Herald that morning.
"I will leave him... I'm saying right now that I am better than this."
The woman did leave her partner - then she left her city and her old life behind and started afresh.
Six months later she is "loving life".
READ MORE:
Christmas violence: We're Better Than This
Family violence survivor: 'Christmas was HELL'
Better than this: How to leave an abusive relationship
"I'm here in beautiful (her new location), feeling just so relaxed," she said.
"I have two part-time jobs here and in the new year I will establish my business. For now I'm just cruising.
"I can go anywhere I want and not worry about him turning up."
After she left her ex-partner attempted to lure her home, promising he would change, sending flowers and apologising for his abuse.
It was hard, but she stood her ground and refused him at every turn.
"I changed my email and address and phone number again... He also had other friends sending me nasty emails so I just deleted everything.
She looks back at her old life and finds it hard to believe she lived it for so long.
"At the time I wrote to you, I felt like such an idiot. Like, how did I end up in that situation.
"I'm in my 40s and I was with a man that acted like a teenager. I acted the same. I let it all go, I made excuses for his behaviour - all the time.
"How did I end up there?"
She is now looking forward to a Christmas without fear, threats and violence - and more importantly, the rest of her life.
She has reconnected with her family and friends who she was isolated from during the relationship and now enjoys weekends instead of dreading them.
This woman is no longer a victim of harm, she is a survivor.
"I'm breathing again," she said.
If you're in danger NOW:
• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours of friends to ring for you
• Run outside and head for where there are other people
• Scream for help so that your neighbours can hear you
• Take the children with you
• Don't stop to get anything else
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay
Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Free national crisis line operates 24/7 - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz
• Shine, free national helpline 9am- 11pm every day - 0508 744 633 www.2shine.org.nz
• It's Not Ok: Information line 0800 456 450 www.areyouok.org.nz
• Shakti: Providing specialist cultural services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and their children. Crisis line 24/7 0800 742 584
• Ministry of Justice: www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice/domestic-violence
• National Network of Stopping Violence: www.nnsvs.org.nz
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women, focusing this year on sexual violence and the issue of consent. www.whiteribbon.org.nz
How to hide your visit
If you are reading this information on the Herald website and you're worried that someone using the same computer will find out what you've been looking at, you can follow the steps at the link here to hide your visit. Each of the websites above also have a section that outlines this process.
Donate this Christmas
Shakti
Shine
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Women's Refuge
New Zealand has the worst rate of family and intimate-partner violence in the developed world and over the Christmas and New Year period the number of incidents spikes dramatically. Less than 20 per cent of incidents are reported to the police - so what we know of family violence in our community over the festive season is barely the tip of the iceberg. Today we have a simple message - every Kiwi has a right to a safe, fear-free and happy holiday. We are revisiting our campaign We're Better Than This, and over the next few days we want to raise awareness, educate, and give an insight into the victims and perpetrators. We want to encourage victims to have the strength to speak out, and abusers the courage to change their behaviour.
