Sideswipe

Hockey girls the Black Sticks may be legends on the field but on Air New Zealand flights they have to learn to behave just like everyone else. The southern-dwelling members of the team were making their way to Auckland on a flight on Saturday evening, en route to India, and a couple of them were talking excitedly through the safety video.

"Would you please hold your conversation until the safely demonstration has finished," they were told loudly by the very serious flight attendant.

And the trouble didn't end there.

Plane lands and is taxiing towards the terminal when the distinctive "beep beep" of a cellphone message arriving emanates from the Sticks' entourage in the front of the plane.

"A reminder that all cellphones must remain switched off until the forward cabin door is opened," the same flight attendant was quick to announce.

Giggle giggle, go the Sticks.

Five seconds pass quietly then "beep beep".

Giggle giggle, goes the entire plane.

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Defamer.Com reports that two B-grade celebrities were among the passengers of the Airbus A320 that made a dramatic landing at Los Angeles last Thursday: "Kelly Carson, who plays blonde bombshell Kimber in the hit television show Nip/Tuck, and DJ Qualls, who starred in the movie Road Trip, were both said to be visibly shaken by their ordeal. CBS has to be delighted that the casting of The Landing of Flight 292 just got a little easier. Judging by their presence on a JetBlue flight, both should be available to play themselves at a very affordable price."

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Dr Jackie Blue, newbie list MP and X chromosome ring-in for the National Party (with the flick of her head and a bat of her eyelids), tells the Central Leader: "Politics used to go over my head. I thought Fay Richwhite was a woman and a political platform was something you stood on to see the view." Cue girlish giggle?

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A reader named Connor Clarke wonders how long before Toby the electoral roll dog gets a jury summons?

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On Friday, the Herald daily horoscopes column made a regretable error, omitting Pisces from the daily listings. More than 20 Pisceans, who believe they have no control over their own lives, rang the editorial department desperate to find out what the day had in store for them.

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According to News of the Weird, Charbel Hamaty spent six months in jail in Raleigh, North Carolina, after being arrested last year for "molesting" his infant son. The damning evidence consisted of family snapshots of Hamaty playfully kissing the nude tot's belly button. Only after a protest campaign was the charge dropped.