Sideswipe

Lookalikes: Shrek and property developer and cocaine buyer David Henderson.

A Christian website called Focus On Your Child lists the warning signs of gayness for parents: Is My Child Becoming Homosexual?

1. A strong feeling that he is different from other boys.

2. A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic and dislike the rough games that other boys enjoy.

3. A persistent preference to play female roles in make-believe play.

4. A strong preference to spend time in the company of girls and join in their games and other pastimes.

5. A susceptibility to be bullied by other boys, who may tease him unmercifully and call him queer, fag and gay.

6. A tendency to walk, talk, dress and even think effeminately.

7. A repeatedly stated desire to be or insistence that he is a girl.

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If parents need absolute proof, Fatblog suggests you "dunk your son into a deep pool of water. If he floats to the top, he is full of buoyant gaymotrons (identified by physicists as the gay particle) and therefore gay. If he sinks to the bottom and drowns, he is a poor swimmer and unathletic and therefore gay. If he begins to sink and then just sorta hangs there, the water is gay."

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Jana Skinny Water is "a no-calorie water, enhanced with a unique combination of ingredients to help people lose and maintain their weight. Developed after three years of research, working closely with food scientists and a major nutraceutical manufacturer, Jana Skinny Water has an enhanced natural artesian water taste and appearance with a hint of lemon. The water is put through a flash pasteurisation process, removing the tiniest amounts of trace particles."

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A reader writes: "Destiny NZ strikes again! This time in Mt Eden at 8.30pm! That's right, 8.30pm! Also waking a 3-year-old. Who knocks on people's doors at that time of the evening expecting a positive welcome? Unbelievable!"

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Schools in Broward County, Florida, have banned running in playgrounds. But wait, there's more. According to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel newspaper, gone are swings, seesaws and merry-go-rounds. (Moving equipment causes injuries.) Gone, too, are sandpits. (Animals use them for litter-boxes.) And even concrete crawl tubes have been banned. (Vagrants may use them for shelter.) School officials say they have made the changes because of lawsuits. Since 1999, Broward County schools paid about $561,000 to settle 189 claims for playground accidents. (Source: reason.com)