Sideswipe

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A question and answer session with children about love and marriage:

Q: What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
A: I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. - Craig, 9.
Q: How can you tell if two people are married?
A: You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, 8.
Q: How do you decide to marry?
A: You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, 10.
Q: How would you make a marriage work?
A: Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck - Ricky, 10.

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Paulina writes: "Well you would think it was obvious not to fold a buggy with a child still in it (wackiest warning labels in Sideswipe), but that is exactly what my husband did to our 5-week-old niece when he was trying to be helpful. Ruby was in a papoose-type arrangement that slotted underneath the older child's seat like a filing cabinet drawer. While my sister was strapping the older child into the car, and I was strapping our two under 2-year-olds into our car, I heard my sister screaming, 'My baby! My baby!' and Andrew had Ruby all neatly folded up halfway into the boot. All survived the incident."

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Real life Dilberts:

1. When a reader worked at Contec Data Systems in Christchurch the administration director sent this email:

From: Director of Admin
To: Programming Staff

"Could you please refrain from laughing in the office, as it disturbs other staff. If you have to laugh, go outside in the carpark."

Much hastily stifled laughing ensued, and several email replies were sent, the best of which was:

To: Director of Admin
From: Programmers

"We would like to comply with your request, but we've checked the carpark, and there's nothing funny out there."

2. Another reader worked for a law firm in Australia and had an overzealous managing partner, whose mission seemed to be to swamp staff with memos. "The best one was where he complained that no one in the firm had lodged their timesheets for the 29th, 30th and 31st of February and moaned that it was no wonder productivity was down!"

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In Sideswipe on Friday, Tammy Ewing complained about losing a day every year with her car registration. A reader would like to know where she gets her calendar from because Tammy's year has more days than most. "If Tammy registered her car on the 10th of February 2005 the registration would only go to 9th February 2006. As most people only have one February 10th each year, any full year will work that way. Sorry, Tammy, that's the way my calendar crumbles."