Greg Dixon's weekend

JUDE'LL FIX IT

It's a question for the ages: what the hell is the purpose of an electorate MP? Well, if you live in Clevedon, they exist to help you out of bone-headed scraps. HRH Don Brash and the Nats' member for Clevedon Judith Collins were speaking at a meeting at the Te Kura o Kawepo pre-school in Papakura this week when a man stood up and began to relate how he was once stopped for a breath test. The cop held up the machine and asked him to say his name and where he lived. Clearly a wag, the man thought he'd play silly buggers and said "Charlie Brown, Takanini." Hmmm, suspicious, thinks our copper. So he checked our wag's rego, rang someone and then went back and asked about this Charlie Brown business. The wag said he was just having a little joke because it was only a breathalyser test. But this approach - like telling an airport official, haha, there's a bomb in my bag - always relies on Mr Plod having a sense of humour. So it comes as no surprise that the wag ended up being fined $750 for giving wrong details and prosecuted for obstructing a police officer in the execution of his duties. The wag told his mate about this, and his mate said "Go and see Judith Collins. She will make it disappear." So he did, and Judith - who has a master of law degree with honours and whose husband was once a copper - lived up to what is obviously a local reputation for making fines evaporate. Apparently she looked slightly uncomfortable at being outed for such a carry-on in front of her boss - as well she might. All this was recounted at a meeting for a kura which is under threat of prosecution by the Education Ministry for running as an illegal school.

WHEN PRESS RELEASES GO BAD

It seems that last month Radio Live released a media statement informing a yawning world that Global News was changing to Radio Live News. Phish, big deal. But then the statement went on to claim that "Radio Live has also bought the Radio New Zealand news service from National Radio". The world briefly stopped yawning: could it be that Radio Live was to buy in the opposition's radio news service? Well, apparently not. The station issued yet another statement - though some three weeks later - stating that the first statement was, in fact, big surprise, incorrect. Radio Live has not bought the RNZ news service. The station's director of programming, Mitch Harris, said the station apologised for the mistake and regretted misleading anyone. Who was it who said accuracy was the first imperative of journalism?

PORN TO SERVE

So the Police Association finally confirms it, a certain percentage of coppers are dumb. But was it only me, or did you too notice that more than 42 per cent of the coppers caught with dodgy images on their computers were from Waikato, Wellington and Canterbury. This could either mean a: they're dumber in these parts, b: the majority of keyboards are missing the delete key or c: they're tired of sheep.