POET'S CORNER
John Tamihere. Even the name makes me laugh like a happy hound. And if the man never utters another insulting word - and only the insane would count that as a possibility - he has already added so greatly to the New Zealand lexicon he deserves whatever it
is they call a knighthood these days. I have forwarded this list to the Oxford English Dictionary:
Front bum /noun, vulgar/ 1/ A woman. 2/ Female genitals.
Helen Clark /noun/ 1/ A boss. 2/ A principal front bum.
Smarmy /adjective/ Sucking up to a principal front bum (see also tugger and tosser).
Maverick /noun/ Someone who does not suck up to a principal front bum.
Wishart /verb/ To disclose raving madness for profit (eg Ian wisharted John and made his fortune).
Tape recorder /noun/ 1/ A device with mysterious qualities allowing it to be seen by some and not others. 2/ A device used for final confessions.
Extended leave /noun, political/ An endless series of press interviews.
Tamihere /noun/ 1/ A person caught in an apparently continuous cycle of insult and apology. 2/ An unholy mess [Maori = loveable rogue].
Golden handshake /noun/ A sum of money larger than a person's conscience.
Severe censure /noun/ A letter thanking a person for attending a meeting.
IT'S SO HARD TO GET GOOD HELP
From Prime Television CEO Chris Taylor's speech to the Chamber of Commerce this week: Excerpt 1: "The ratings [for Paul Holmes] are not what we anticipated." Excerpt 2 : "This Government has taken political correctness to a new level. What I'm sure many of you as business leaders can sympathise with is the difficulty of getting rid of under-performing staff. If any of your businesses are like mine, you have to carry the brunt of staff members who are continually performing below standard and are hamstrung by the processes imposed on business to move these people along."
AIRPLANE 2005!
One of the great journalistic cliches is to describe an event, a tsunami for example, as being straight out of a movie. But I suspect a door not falling off in mid-flight and a severe bruise might make for a very long, very dull disaster flick indeed. However, Helen Clark's actions immediately after her flight of terror (copyright Woman's Day) ended - texting her parents before her husband to say she was safe - might be straight out a movie. One about divorce.
ONE PERSON'S ART
For Sale: 20 cigarette butts. Fresh examples available daily. Framed or unframed. Signed by the artist. Will trade for toenail clippings
Opinion by
POET'S CORNER
John Tamihere. Even the name makes me laugh like a happy hound. And if the man never utters another insulting word - and only the insane would count that as a possibility - he has already added so greatly to the New Zealand lexicon he deserves whatever it
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