Greg Dixon's weekend

RATTLE YOUR DRAGS

What would Colin Meads think? Te Kuiti farmers in drag? This is the town which spawned the mighty Pinetree, the man who played the Boks with a broken arm, who hoisted tanalised fenceposts under each arm up King Country hills, who told the All Blacks they weren't eating enough red meat, who put Te Kuiti on the map.

Ye Gods, how things have changed. We have a picture showing "Beauty" pageant hopefuls Ross MacDonald and Martin Coup as they get last-minute alterations from Sandy Prince and Lin MacDonald for the the Miss Muster competition held in Te Kuiti last night.

The event is one of a number of attractions as part of this weekend's New Zealand Shearing Championships and Te Kuiti Muster.

Events on the programme today include the Sly Grog Alley, celebrating King Country's status as the country's last "dry" region, and the Running of the Sheep, where 2000 sheep will barrel down Te Kuiti's main street.

Oh Colin, where are you?

DEATH IN AN AFTERNOON

A Herald journalist phoned the Aussie cricket team's media bloke on Tuesday morning to ask for an interview with the world's winningest captain, Ricky Ponting. Said media bloke laughed: "Sure, but I think we'll be on a plane out of here this afternoon." You might've called it arrogant if it weren't, sniff, so bloody true.

LORD OF THE RING

Well really, if you're going to elect Michael Laws you get what you damned well deserve. But then given the man's deceptively harmless, elven-earred appearance, the Hobbits of Wanganui - a dreary burg that makes Hobbiton seem like Vegas - obviously thought they were voting for one of their own. And then he starts abusing everyone. Of course there's more than a smidgeon of incongruity in Laws calling members of the Exclusive Brethren religion "strange and weird". Loyal readers and Laws followers will know that His Magisterial Majesty, Lord Mayor of Wanganui and Empress of the Whanganui, is a bit strange and weird himself, particularly in his habits vis-a-vis ablutions. It's not so long ago the rumour emerged that the Lord Mayor demands special three-ply toilet paper be provided for his sole use at the Wanganui radio station where he broadcasts his nationwide talkshow. So you see, instead of the Hobbits of Wanganui getting Frodo, they got Sauron, an evil Dark Lord with a thing about rings ...