The phone call telling him the man had died was harrowing for him. And every moment remains etched in his memory. He justifies himself to himself often in our interview. He probably has to do so every time the memory returns.
That is the agony we seldom hear when a police shooting occurs. It is not the same agony felt by the family of the dead man, and that adds to the policeman's ordeal. "I feel for his family," he told us. "Someone's lost a son ... I just wish he was still alive."
Police shootings are blessedly rare in this country, despite police arming themselves if they can every time they are called to a situation involving a firearm. They go to the scene knowing they might have to make a terrible decision in a split second.
It is a decision they would have to explain innumerable times to the investigation that must be held, and to a coroner's court.
They may read and hear righteous criticism of their actions by people with no idea what they are going through and their public anonymity probably feels thin. Their colleagues, family and close friends know.
We should always spare a thought for the shooter.
