NZ musician Mads Harrop talks to Attitude's Tanya Black on what it's like living with Tourette syndrome. Video / Attitude Pictures
Dunedin musician Mads Harrop has lost count of the number of times she’s been told to watch her language in public.
In her purse, she carries a badge that reads, “I have Tourette’s, please be kind, kia ora.” When in nervous environments, she pins it on.
Her song Hiding inColour is an ode to the first time she experienced a reaction to her tics.
“I always hate it when I’m in those situations because I always have to explain myself and say, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t help it.’ It’s never fun when I get those kinds of reactions from people because I feel pretty humiliated and hurt by it,” she said.
In addition to Tourette syndrome, Harrop lives with Asperger’s, ADHD and anxiety.
Many of Harrop’s songs draw inspiration from her experiences with these conditions. She has released 10 singles to date and plans to release a debut album soon, though its title remains under wraps.
Harrop is also the subject of the second episode of a new TVNZ series produced by Attitude Pictures. The NZ on Air-funded series highlights the stories of extraordinary people living with a disability. The episode Being Me: Mads Harrop is screening at midday on Sunday on TVNZ 1 and on demand on TVNZ+.
Now 24, Harrop’s Tourette syndrome first manifested when she was 19.
Mads Harrop's single Mad, Mad Woman was released on Friday. Photo / Attitude Pictures
Her mother, Fenella, said it “came out of nowhere” just after she began her first year of study at the University of Otago.
“It’s like an accident sort of - that kind of violent upheaval to your life when something happens that suddenly,” she said.
Harrop not only writes and performs her songs but also produces and engineers them, honing many of her skills at home.
Her father, Steve, is also a musician and multi-instrumentalist, primarily playing bass.
Mads Harrop's parents Fenella and Steve Harrop. Steve is also a musician and multi-instrumentalist. Photo / Attitude Pictures
He wrote and recorded the bassline on Sweet Disorder by the Kiwi band Strawpeople.
Harrop said music has been a great bonding agent between her and her father, and they have attended gigs throughout the country together.
This weekend, she is returning to her family home near Ōamaru to record a music video for her latest single, Mad, Mad Woman, which was released on Friday.
Her previous songs explore a range of themes, and there are protest anthems among them.
Her 2022 single I Want Chemicals targets the Government’s cannabis regulations and advocates for the legalisation of cannabidiol (CBD) products, which she believes would help manage her Tourette symptoms.
Another unreleased single, Enough is Enough, calls on the Government to recognise Tourette syndrome as a disability in Aotearoa, as those living with the condition currently cannot receive Government support.
“If it was recognised, that [would mean] we could get Government-funded treatment, and we could even qualify for service animals. I really want to get a service dog one day because I think it will be hugely helpful for my autism and my Tourette’s, because it would help calm me down,” she said.
Dunedin musician Mads Harrop lives with Asperger's, ADHD and Tourette syndrome. Photo / Attitude Pictures
Harrop explained her Tourette syndrome mostly manifests in public places as verbal tics and coprolalia (compulsive swearing) when she is nervous, which can lead to a cycle of nervous tics due to the perception of potentially negative reactions from people.
“When people stare at me, when people look at me and they start laughing at me, that can make me feel pretty uncomfortable,” she said.
Despite her nervous tics in public, she finds solace and acceptance on stage among friends and fans.
“When I play, when I’m at gigs, when I’m in the recording studio and stuff like that, usually all my friends are there, pretty much everyone knows who I am, and people are super-kind and super lovely about it ... It’s a judgment-free zone, and I can just be myself and just tic away.”
Ben Tomsett is a multimedia journalist for the New Zealand Herald, based in Dunedin.
