Thursday, 18 August 2022
Meet the JournalistsPremiumAucklandWellingtonCanterbury/South Island
CrimePoliticsHealthEducationEnvironment and ClimateNZ Herald FocusData journalismKāhu, Māori ContentPropertyWeather
Small BusinessOpinionPersonal FinanceEconomyBusiness TravelCapital Markets
Politics
Premium SportRugbyCommonwealth GamesCricketRacingNetballBoxingLeagueFootballSuper RugbyAthleticsBasketballMotorsportTennisCyclingGolfAmerican SportsHockeyUFC
NZH Local FocusThe Northern AdvocateThe Northland AgeThe AucklanderWaikato HeraldBay of Plenty TimesHawke's Bay TodayRotorua Daily PostWhanganui ChronicleStratford PressManawatu GuardianKapiti NewsHorowhenua ChronicleTe Awamutu Courier
Covid-19
Te Rito
Te Rito
OneRoof PropertyCommercial Property
Open JusticeVideoPodcastsTechnologyWorldOpinion
SpyTVMoviesBooksMusicCultureSideswipeCompetitions
Fashion & BeautyFood & DrinkRoyalsRelationshipsWellbeingPets & AnimalsVivaCanvasEat WellCompetitionsRestaurants & Menus
New Zealand TravelAustralia TravelInternational Travel
Our Green FutureRuralOneRoof Property
Career AdviceCorporate News
Driven MotoringPhotos
SudokuCodecrackerCrosswordsWordsearchDaily quizzes
Classifieds
KaitaiaWhangareiDargavilleAucklandThamesTaurangaHamiltonWhakataneRotoruaTokoroaTe KuitiTaumarunuiTaupoGisborneNew PlymouthNapierHastingsDannevirkeWhanganuiPalmerston NorthLevinParaparaumuMastertonWellingtonMotuekaNelsonBlenheimWestportReeftonKaikouraGreymouthHokitikaChristchurchAshburtonTimaruWanakaOamaruQueenstownDunedinGoreInvercargill
NZ HeraldThe Northern AdvocateThe Northland AgeThe AucklanderWaikato HeraldBay Of Plenty TimesRotorua Daily PostHawke's Bay TodayWhanganui ChronicleThe Stratford PressManawatu GuardianKapiti NewsHorowhenua ChronicleTe Awamutu CourierVivaEat WellOneRoofDriven MotoringThe CountryPhoto SalesNZ Herald InsightsWatchMeGrabOneiHeart RadioRestaurant Hub

Advertisement

Advertise with NZME.
New Zealand|Crime

Domestic abuse helpline: 'If one person phones, telling my story will be worth it'

28 Mar, 2015 04:00 PM4 minutes to read
Katherine Kennard is a familiar face on TV and stars in a short film for domestic abuse charity Shine. Photo / Doug Sherring

Katherine Kennard is a familiar face on TV and stars in a short film for domestic abuse charity Shine. Photo / Doug Sherring

Cherie Howie
By
Cherie Howie

Reporter

VIEW PROFILE
TV star speaks out in support of domestic abuse charity

Sitting next to her partner in a crowded bar, Katherine Kennard focused her attention on the TV screen.

It was always the safest option.

Except on this night, when another man innocently stood between her and the TV - and her partner saw him.

"That was a bad night," the former Nothing Trivial actress said as she spoke publicly for the first time about the four years she was trapped in an abusive relationship.

Advertisement

Advertise with NZME.

Kennard is a familiar face on TV screens after playing the scheming ex-wife of Nothing Trivial lead character Mac and for her roles on Underbelly, Spartacus and Street Legal.

Now she has starred in a short film for national domestic abuse charity Shine. The film was shown at the organisation's 25th birthday celebration last night, at which June Steenkamp, the mother of Reeva Steenkamp - killed by partner Oscar Pistorius - spoke.

Kennard's story of abuse began three months into her first serious relationship. Her former partner was - is - a "beautiful man" with a big heart and a sharp intellect, she said.

But he also had an anger problem triggered by jealousy. "At first I thought, 'That's sweet, it shows he cares'. I'd never witnessed any kind of abuse in my childhood. It was so unfamiliar to me that it didn't make any sense.

"The jealousies turned into anger, and the anger got put on to me, saying things like slut, whore and finding my weak spots, commenting about my weight."

Trying to talk about it didn't work. "You can't speak logically when they've flipped into anger."

Related articles

New Zealand

Attitude adjustment solution to abuse

12 Dec 05:00 PM
New Zealand

New van will help aid victims of violence

22 Dec 04:30 PM
Promotions

Every 6 minutes the NZ Police attend a domestic abuse incident

29 Jan 08:00 PM
New Zealand

Slain model's mum in NZ to share story

24 Feb 04:00 PM

On the rare occasions the pair had rational conversations he would apologise and accept he had a problem. Then something would trigger his jealousy again.

The bar incident occurred three years into the relationship, by which time Kennard had learned "not to communicate with any men and to pull in any form of open energy to anybody. At the beginning you're confused. Three years in you're like a dog backed against the wall". Her partner's reaction in the bar was standard by then - leaning into her ear so no one else could hear, and her not wanting to make a scene, but wishing someone noticed. "But nobody hears it. It's just for you."

Advertisement

Advertise with NZME.

Other times he followed her home, and she was afraid to turn him away. "Then you end up having to sleep in the same bed. He'd be wanting to cuddle. And you're thinking, 'After everything you've just put me through, now you expect me to love you'? But out of fear you just want everything to be all right, so you cuddle."

A girlfriend was the catalyst for the relationship's end when she stood up to the man.

It's more than 20 years since the relationship ended and British-born Kennard said some hurtful words still triggered old feelings. She also felt guilty when talking to men "in case it's taken the wrong way".

But life had also given her experiences that created the "bag of tools" that allowed her to be "independent, free and who I am".

She wanted others to know they, too, had choices. "If anybody relates to something in my story ... if I knew that somebody picked up the phone to the [Shine] helpline, even just one person, then all of this is worth it."

Tell-tale signs of abuse

• Smashing or breaking things around the house.

Advertisement

Advertise with NZME.

• Monitoring or limiting phone calls, conversations, email, and/or keeping a partner from seeing family and friends.

• Taking money away, or controlling money.

• Making a partner do something humiliating or degrading and/or making him or her have sex after emotional or physical abuse, or when the partner is sick.

• Threatening to hurt him or herself if the partner leaves and/or threatening to hurt the partner, children, pets or others.

• Making the partner beg for sexual affection or attention.

• Pushing, shoving, pulling, slapping, kicking or punching the partner, or throwing things at him or her.

Advertisement

Advertise with NZME.

How to get help

For those experiencing, inflicting or witnessing abuse call the Shine helpline, 0508 744 633.

Advertisement

Advertise with NZME.

Latest from New Zealand

Kahu

Politician's will pay homage to King Tuheitia on Saturday at Turangawaewae Marae

17 Aug 04:45 PM
New ZealandUpdated

Massive fire at scrap metal yard in Christchurch

17 Aug 08:40 AM
New ZealandUpdated

7-year-old Wairoa boy died in Oranga Tamariki care

17 Aug 08:20 AM
New Zealand

'One-in-100-year event': Hundreds evacuated in Nelson after river breaches banks

17 Aug 07:49 AM
New Zealand|EducationUpdated

Auckland high school placed into lockdown following fight

17 Aug 07:33 AM

Most Popular

Massive fire at scrap metal yard in Christchurch
New ZealandUpdated

Massive fire at scrap metal yard in Christchurch

17 Aug 08:40 AM
7-year-old Wairoa boy died in Oranga Tamariki care
New ZealandUpdated

7-year-old Wairoa boy died in Oranga Tamariki care

17 Aug 08:20 AM
Auckland high school placed into lockdown following fight
New Zealand|EducationUpdated

Auckland high school placed into lockdown following fight

17 Aug 07:33 AM

Advertisement

Advertise with NZME.
About NZMEHelp & SupportContact UsSubscribe to NZ HeraldHouse Rules
Manage Your Print SubscriptionNZ Herald E-EditionAdvertise with NZMEBook Your AdPrivacy Policy
Terms of UseCompetition Terms & ConditionsSubscriptions Terms & Conditions
© Copyright 2022 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP