KEY POINTS:
Divorce lawyers call it D-Day - the Monday of the first full week back at work. Inquiries about divorces surge as couples cope with back-to-work blues and the Christmas break becomes the Christmas break-up.
Christina Lee, of Auckland law firm Turner Hopkins, said there was a much higher demand for divorce proceedings in January than the rest of the year. "I came back to work on January 14 and I've had four or five new clients."
Festive season stress was behind the upsurge, she said. Some unhappy couples decided to separate before Christmas, unable to face pretending to be happy through another family holiday. Then they turned up at her office to start divorce proceedings.
Wellington lawyer Lance Pratley said the holiday season provided a "natural break" when some couples decided to reassess their relationships.
"Sometimes there are other family tensions as well and they can't take any more. It's like the last straw."
Family lawyer Pamela Williamson expected divorce specialists to be inundated with new clients this month. "People panic and want to get things resolved by Christmas, but they make the applications too late and it tends to flow on into this time of year."
Williamson also said stress was the most obvious reason for relationship break-ups.
"People are taking time off work to be with the family, people are in close contact and tensions in relationships can erupt."
Counsellor Margaret Cleary said she and her colleagues always had a heavy workload at this time of year. "After Christmas is always really busy for counsellors and therapists."
Families were thrown into close proximity and could experience problems, often fuelled by alcohol.
"During the year couples are busy with their own lives, busy at work doing their own thing. On holiday there's a lot more family pressure. There's a huge expectation that we will all like each other at Christmas.
"Also, a lot of people deal with grief at Christmas time. If someone has died during the year it's like an anniversary. It might be the catalyst for people to break up."
According to London's Daily Telegraph, the online advice service InsideDivorce.com surveyed 100 British law firms, and 2000 people who were married, divorced or separated. It found that almost one in five marriages was on shaky ground, with partners believing it could end in divorce. About a third of New Zealand marriages end in divorce - 10,000 a year.
Relationship Services' national practice manager Cary Hayward said communication was key to saving a marriage. Research showed success rates of more than 70 per cent for couples who were on the verge of divorce but sought counselling.
"People get to a point where they stop communicating. They get angry and withdrawn. But many of the things which seem unmanageable are manageable with the right kind of help."
Hayward said the biggest problem was that people often left it too late to seek help. "They keep coping for a long time until it gets too much and they think they have got to leave. We encourage people to go and get help."
People can apply for a dissolution of marriage after a two-year separation.
The Family Court arranges free and confidential counselling for couples who need help.
TIPS FOR SURVIVAL
Make time to relax with those you love.
Ask for and offer help. Co-operation lightens everyone's load.
If things get tense, take a deep breath, change the subject or walk away.
When you don't like what's happening, suggest doing something else.
Plan a tactful way to leave if a social event gets too stressful.
Steer clear of disagreements when you drink.
Use a little self-control so that you don't say - or do - something that's hurtful.
Keep kids out of adult disagreements.
Make it fun for the kids and it will be easier for you.
Take some time just for you.
