By HELEN TUNNAH
As Dean Barker watched Russell Coutts heave the America's Cup above his head this week, he admitted his own crew were "struggling" with the reality of having lost to the Swiss.
"That was one of the worst moments of my life," the Team New Zealand skipper said. "It's
pretty hard to sit there and watch.
"They deserved the reward of being able to hold the cup up. But it certainly doesn't soften the blow for us."
Barker, 29, inherited the skipper's mantle from Coutts three years ago when his former mentor switched to lead Alinghi's campaign against his old team-mates.
Now, a week after the 5-0 whitewash, and as one of Team New Zealand's four managers, he will help lead an internal review into the loss, and that will include a look at how he and his sailors stacked up.
His leadership, under the spotlight for a trying 16 days, will also be studied.
"It certainly wasn't easy," he said. "It's never easy when you're down and when you're getting pounded a bit.
"The last fortnight has been incredibly tough. We've had to deal with all sorts of emotions.
"It's incredibly disappointing having put three years of work into something we thought had a very good chance of keeping the America's Cup here."
Appearing and sounding tired, Barker spoke to the Weekend Herald before starting a short break. Next week he begins assessing whether Team New Zealand can afford a challenge in Europe, which could cost $150 million.
He says he has never thought of quitting, and can think of nothing better than sailing in a fresh Team New Zealand campaign.
"I've never ever once since race five thought there's no way I'm going to do this, or go through this, because it's a huge part of my life.
"Every part of my body says, 'Yes, we have to challenge, we have to go there and try to bring it back.'
"We feel responsible for having lost the cup and now there's a huge motivation in going to try to win it back.
"But unless we can put our hand on our hearts and say, 'Yes, we can win this thing back', given the extra cost and the challenge that lies ahead, we would be wasting everyone's time."
Further reading: nzherald.co.nz/americascup
