Cyberbullying: It eats at you, says a victim

"You are useless. You're a horrible girlfriend. You should kill yourself."

These are the cutting, hate-filled barbs that linger a year after Karen* was singled out by an online abuser she had never met. For five weeks she was subject to a barrage of unbidden abuse on Facebook.

The messages were cruel and designed to hurt, preying on her feelings of anxiety about her foundering relationship.

The attacks escalated to the point she was scared to turn on her phone.

Alisha, the person behind the private messages - an acquaintance of Karen's partner Kerry - was privy to details of the couple's struggles.

"We were on the rocks and Kerry had obviously been going back and telling Alisha what we had been fighting about. At first Alisha started out saying 'when you said this you really hurt Kerry's feelings'. It started out as little things like that but then it just escalated."

For a month Karen chose to deflect the cruel taunts on her own but it came to a head when she finally plucked up the courage to show Kerry the messages.

"She accused me of faking them and said that her friend would never do that. She tried to make up any excuse in the book. She claimed if it was from Alisha's account then she'd been hacked."

At that point Karen ended the relationship and blocked her social media accounts. But this did not mean the nightmare was over.

Every time she went to use her electronic devices a wave of fear swept over her.

"I deleted Facebook messenger off my phone because I was scared every time it chimed that it was going to be her again," Karen says. "Even now I get that feeling of dread when I go on Facebook. When it chimes or vibrates I still get that pang of 'who is it?"'

Karen says the cyberbullying left her feeling degraded and robbed of any confidence.

"I didn't respond to it but it didn't really stop it getting to me. And when you don't tell anyone it eats at you because you're [thinking] 'Am I? Is it true?' You start doubting yourself."

She would advise anyone in her position to get help right away.

"Tell someone. If blocking isn't enough, push it further."

*All names have been changed.

Where to get help:

• In an emergency: call 111
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youthline: 0800 376 633, or text 234 (available 24/7) or talk@youthline.co.nz or live chat (between 7pm and 11pm) http://livechat.youthline.co.nz/mibew/chat?locale=en&style=youthline
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155 (weekdays 11am to 5pm)
• NetSafe: 0508 NETSAFE (0508 638 723), www.theorb.org.nz