Courts prove one born every minute

Lloyd Shaw. Photo / Sarah Ivey

Despite depictions of criminal masterminds on television and in movies, it's often criminal stupidity that comes before the courts.

One of the most memorable cases this year was the man who broke into a car and left his cellphone and prescription medicine, complete with name label, inside.

Lloyd Shaw said in November he disturbed two men breaking into his friend's car and later found a duffle bag which had been used to smash the window. Inside the bag was prescription medicine and a cellphone.

"I heard this voice coming from inside the bag, this woman's voice. So I picked up the phone and it was [the burglar's] wife.

"She was like: 'Who's this?' I said: 'I'm not going to tell you who it is. Who are you?' She goes: 'I'm Lisa, the wife of the guy who owns the cellphone.' I said: 'Describe him to me."'

The woman's description matched one of the men Mr Shaw saw running away. When she was told what her husband had been up to, she went "ballistic".

"She's going off her nut, saying: 'I haven't seen him since 2pm this afternoon. He took off with his mates and I haven't seen him since, I don't know who he's with."'

Adding to the farce was the fact a photo of the man's young son came up on the phone when it was rung by his home number. The bag also contained the man's insulin with his name on the outside.

"She was freaking out about his medication. I said: 'Well he better go hand himself in then."' The man is due back in Auckland District Court in February.

Another criminal decided to steal a laptop while on a community work sentence. Huiterangi Fred Matekohi was working at the Wanganui Community House on June 2 when he took a $1400 laptop and an associate took a data projector. The two thieves hid the items in their clothing but were found out when workers gathered in the carpark at home time.

Judge David Cameron noted Matekohi had only 25 hours of a total of 140 to work off when he committed the crime, showing he had engaged in the community sentence but had somewhat spoiled it by "stupidly trying to remove a laptop on that day".

He sentenced Matekohi to three months' community detention and a further 80 hours of community work.

Also guilty of stupidity before the courts was a veteran West Coast lawyer who tried to flee a police station, tampered with a breath-testing machine and put coins in his mouth in an effort to dodge a drink-driving conviction.

Douglas Taffs said he was a "complete prat" after being pulled over by police in his BMW. "I was just being stupid. We're all entitled sometimes to be stupid."

Police say Taffs was caught climbing over the fence at the station. He also unplugged the cord from the breath-testing machine and hid it in a filing cabinet. When he blew in the tube, coins fell out of his mouth. Some people think coins can trick the machine into a low reading.

His blood sample showed he was over the legal driving limit. "I regret my actions. I still can't understand them myself. I was a complete prat - simple as that," he said.

"I've apologised to the police. I don't see it affects my ability to practise [law] in any way... It's not the end of the world."

Taffs was fined $4000 at the Nelson District Court in October after admitting driving with excess breath-alcohol, failing to remain for a breath test and obstructing police.

Another professional whose bad day landed him in court was Havelock North public relations man Shaun Lines. He escaped conviction after checking in luggage at Auckland Airport's's domestic terminal on August 10, saying he had to "shuffle the bags around to make sure the explosives are under 23kg".

Mr Lines was searched by security staff and an explosives dog. No explosives were found. He appeared in the Hastings District Court, was discharged without conviction after pleading guilty to communicating false information affecting the safety of an aerodrome, and had to pay $250 prosecution fees.