By PETER CALDER
Worried that the Millennium Bug hasn't bitten you yet? Relax. It's okay.
There's nothing wrong with you. It could happen to anyone caught in this particular accident of chronology.
The psychologists haven't got a name for it yet - although if they need one, Millennium Anxiety Disorder will have the
advantage of the handy acronym MAD.
And it's not just about whether the lights will go out or the water will stop flowing. It's a sense that we don't know what we're supposed to be doing.
Behind the suburban venetians there lurks a vague malaise. Too many of us haven't made up - can't make up - our minds what to do tomorrow night.
Lifeline director Bruce Mackie says millenarian anxiety is not a prominent concern of people who ring the counselling service.
"I wouldn't call it an anxiety thing - not yet," he says. "We're still dealing with the stresses of Christmas."
But ask around and you'll quickly find that more than a few of us are uncertain whether it will be all right on the night. What's worse, we're not feeling so good about the uncertainty. Perched out here on the edge of the new century, the first respectable land mass to be kissed by the sun's rays, we feel a sort of global responsibility.
The whole world's watching to see whether we are equal to the occasion and, like the first couple to the dancefloor in a snowball waltz, we can't help worrying that we'll put a foot wrong.
Being spoiled for choice doesn't help. The local Lions' bonfire or the neighbours' barbecue? The Domain or the waterfront? Okahu Bay or Piha? Or home in bed with the blinds drawn.
The woman who said she might do the washing may have been talking less about a plan than a resolute lack of a plan. One 22-year-old woman glimpses a small Doomsday in the making.
"Only three people in my circle of friends of about 15 know what they're going to be doing," she says. "And it's a bit of a worry because they're all such different people. I'm actually thinking that it's going to be a bit disastrous."
Anyone knows that planning makes a disaster easier to cope with. But when the planning starts becoming a disaster of its own, it may be time to stop planning.
If you want, you can leave it to everyone else. You can decide to do absolutely nothing. And enjoy it. You won't have another chance for a thousand years.
