Children's hour the most important for NZ parents

Two-thirds of Kiwi fathers and half of the mothers want to spend more time with their children.

A survey for Relationship Services of 1000 New Zealanders, drawn from survey firm ACNielsen's regular online panel, has found that more than half of the population want more time with their children (66 per cent of men, 52 per cent of women) and close friends (54 per cent on average).

Exactly half also want more time with their partners.

In each case, almost all the others said the time they spent with their children, close friends or partners was "about right".

Only 2 per cent or less said they wanted to spend less time with any of these.

The findings add to growing evidence that many Kiwi parents are struggling with the pressures where both work fulltime. Another recent survey for the Social Development Ministry found that 35 per cent of families where both parents were in paid work would prefer one partner not to have to work.

Jeremy Robertson, a researcher at Victoria University's Roy McKenzie Centre for the Study of Families who has analysed the latest survey for the Families Commission, said the findings showed that "policies that help achieve a better work and family life balance are more likely to lead to better individual wellbeing".

"This is reinforcing that this is an important issue for New Zealanders, especially with the increasing employment for women," he said.

"It shows that men are more likely to say, 'I want to spend more time with the children,' which again emphasises the gendered division of childcare.

Despite feeling that they would like to spend more time with their children, New Zealanders in the sample were happier with their relationships with their offspring than with anyone else in their lives.

Asked to rate their satisfaction on a scale from 1 (very unsatisfied) to 5 (very satisfied), relationships with children scored 4.66, just ahead of partners (4.54), mothers (4.27), close friends (4.25) and fathers (4.15).

Bottom of the list were flatmates, scoring 3.62. Sixteen per cent of people with flatmates wanted to spend less time with them, against only 10 per cent who wanted more time with them, with the other three-quarters saying their time with flatmates was "about right".

Women were more satisfied than men in their relationships with children, close friends, siblings, aunts and uncles and cousins, but there was no difference between the sexes in satisfaction with their partners.

Regardless of gender, 72 per cent of people with partners said they were "very satisfied" with their relationships with their partners, and 73 per cent said those relationships had become more satisfying with time. Only 13 per cent said their relationships with their partners had got worse over time.

Couples were most satisfied with their loyalty and being faithful to each other, rated 4.62 and 4.56 respectively on the five-point scale, followed by "being able to relax and be myself around someone" (4.49).

They were least satisfied with "having an active sex life" (3.89).

The biggest causes of tension in the relationships, each one cited by 30 per cent of the sample, were "not enough time spent together", "not listening to or understanding each other" and "work takes up too much time or attention".

Overall, the survey found that 80 per cent of New Zealanders are satisfied or very satisfied with their lives - 85 per cent of those with partners and 68 per cent of singles.

There was a slight tendency for people on higher incomes to feel more satisfied with their lives, but there was no difference either between men and women or between Maori and Pakeha.