KEY POINTS:
Too much accord is not a healthy thing in Parliament. In between speaking with one voice to condemn Robert Mugabe, and again to support Te Arawa's treaty settlement, Labour and National took a break from happy consensus to nip at each others' Achilles heels.
But the pickings are
slim. The communal rush to get tough on law and order has left the two big parties with nothing to bicker about other than who stole whose policies first and why they hadn't done so sooner.
So National was left to resort to light bulbs and hairdressers and how they all returned to the one problem - nanny state.
The Prime Minister inadvertently set the scene by rising, primly, to scold Bill English for his use of "swear words" after he described Justice Minister Annette King's refusal to interpret the Electoral Finance Act as "bloody ridiculous."
After the potty mouth apologised, probably pondering whether the Prime Minister was referring to the words "bloody ridiculous" or "Electoral Finance Act" as swear words, the rest of the caucus began.
Energy spokesman Gerry Brownlee kicked off the nanny state thread, accusing the Government of a "legislative sledgehammer" because of its recent decision to ban sales of old-style bulbs from October 2009. "Why," he asks, "can the Government not let people make that choice rather than making a blanket ban and treating us all like children who must obey nanny state?"
But Energy Minister David Parker has come primed for action. Like a travelling salesman, he hauls out a box of the newfangled light bulbs and holds them up one by one, seemingly to prove New Zealanders will have more choice than they ever dreamed possible. "We've got efficient downlight bulbs, efficient ordinary light bulbs, we have screw in light bulbs, we have bayonet fitting light bulbs, we even have light bulbs for chandelier fittings, which are efficient for members of the National Party."
Brownlee is unimpressed. Never has he seen such an example of "busybody Government" than the one before him. He ventures that next on the Government's banned list is petrol-powered lawnmowers, hedge trimmers and garden vacuums and goes on to criticise the mercury content of the bulbs and its potential harm to the environment and young children.
Jim Anderton also gets his two cents in. He has a joke: "Has the minister received any reports on how many National Party members it takes to change a light bulb?"
The punchline from Parker is cut off by the Speaker, who decides issues pertaining to the National Party's electrical skills are not within ministerial responsibility. But Parker seems determined to put his bulb where his mouth is. He offers to put a light bulb in his mouth to prove it has less mercury than a thermometer. The Speaker intervenes. "Members are on the verge of being silly again."
Next up is National's Jo Goodhew and the itch under her saddle was the designation of hairdressers as "a public health menace". Hairdressers, it emerges, are included in those who carry out a "regulated activity" under the Public Health Bill and as such have a jungle of red tape to wrestle with.
Health Minister David Cunliffe is unable to answer how many people have died as a result of going to the hairdresser in the past year, but assures her hairdressers have been regulated for years about "substances" they put on people's heads.
Ms Goodhew decides this is not enough. She cites as clear evidence of "nanny state out of control" the bill's requirements for hairdressers to complete a public health risk management plan.
Mr Cunliffe, short of making suggestions - hiding the scissors perhaps? Providing paper bags for mullets? - instead turns personal, querying whether Ms Goodhew, an augmented blonde, is so enraged because of her own hairdressing bills.
But National was not to get the last punch. Dr Michael Cullen uses his speech in the Appropriations Bill debate to deliver the punchline to Anderton's light bulb joke: "None. Because they like to keep us in the dark."
