Beyond the diagnosis: No Such Thing as Normal by Sonia Gray, episode 4

Treasure Island star Jane Yee. Photo / TVNZ

At least one in five New Zealanders are classed as neurodivergent, a label that covers conditions such as ADHD, autism and dyslexia - yet society insists everyone should be “normal”. No Such Thing as Normal, a 10-part NZ Herald podcast with broadcaster Sonia Gray, explores how we can do better.

Discovering you have a neurodivergent condition like ADHD, dyslexia or autism can be helpful in many ways, but life doesn’t magically change once you get a diagnosis.

“The world is still not a friendly place for those whose brains are wired differently,” broadcaster Sonia Gray says.

“For the most part we now see the value in diversity of ethnicity, culture and gender. But neurodiversity is still on an island – tolerated, but not yet celebrated”.

In this week’s episode of Gray’s podcast No Such Thing as Normal, she looks at life beyond a diagnosis, and discusses how we can normalise cognitive diversity.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapist Jock Matthews says the key is a recognition that all our brains are different, not just those who are neurodivergent.

“There really is no such thing as ‘normal’,” he says. “If we can all identify our differences, and be honest and open about them, we’ll be more understanding of the challenges of others.”

Treasure Island star Jane Yee’s son Victor is autistic, with ADHD. She says she was terrified when he was diagnosed and blamed herself.

“I felt like somehow I’d caused it,” she says, “but I didn’t understand autism then, I didn’t understand the brilliance of these brains”.

Yee has learnt a lot about how her son’s mind works since his diagnosis.

“It can be really hard for him to regulate his emotions,” she says. “Most of us start the day at a base level of like one or two, but autistic kids are already at a seven or eight when they wake up. So knowing that has made us far more understanding – and patient.”

Cognitive Behavioural Therapist Jock Matthews. Photo / Supplied

For Gray, one of the toughest things has been the judgement from society.

“My daughter had lots of very public meltdowns,” she says. “It was her way of communicating that she wasn’t coping in the world, but not many people saw it that way”.

Matthews supported Gray’s daughter Inez at this time.

“I saw her opposition as a positive thing because it helped us to see what wasn’t working for her,” he says. “If you’re not fitting into your world, and your world doesn’t understand you, you might be incredibly anxious, you might be angry, you might be overwhelmed and that may look like something that is bad or defiant or wrong.”

Matthews says while we now have a better of understanding mental health in general, the same can’t be said for neurodiversity, and that makes life very hard for neurodivergent people.

“Over the last 20 or 30 years I’ve met some amazing people, with incredible brains. But in many cases their strengths and talents go unrecognised, people only see the challenges. However, I think – I hope – that’s changing”.

No Such Thing As Normal was made with the support of NZ On Air.

No Such Thing as Normal is a NZ Herald podcast, with new episodes every Saturday. You can listen to it on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.