With school starting next week, it’s time for parents and kids to get organised – and the Herald is here to help. Today Katrina Bennett looks at extra-curricular activities
The question of how many extra-curricular activities a child should be involved in is one that Professor Scott Duncan studies for a living.
But even he’s wary of giving a response to the “million dollar question”, saying the really unappealing answer is, “it depends”.
“It depends on the nature of the child, how busy they are, the genetics they have, and their age.”
Cold comfort perhaps to anyone hoping for a magic number to help navigate the minefield that is after-school activities, or some advice on whether to start with sport or music or art.
But Duncan - professor of population health in the School of Sport and Recreation at Auckland University of Technology (AUT) - says rather than worry about what everyone else’s kids are doing this year, families should consider just one thing.
“The most important thing when you’re raising a family is having fun in that family. There has to be fun. The kid has to be happy, has to be laughing, has to be talking to their parents.”
Duncan says the pressures on families today are huge, and with the rising cost of living “it’s much harder to raise a family now than it used to be”.
“One of the big things that we’ve noticed in the last 15 to 20 years is that parents aren’t necessarily listening to their intuition about how much a child should be doing, simply because they’re trying to keep up with everyone else.”
He said to find the right number of activities for you and your child is really quite simple, “you’ve just got to listen to your gut”.
Duncan said it’s also important to let our kids have downtime, free time to explore outdoors - and to let them be bored.
“The over-scheduling, the increased frequency of screen use - both of those combine to reduce the amount of time spent outdoors doing risky things and learning to overcome risks and build resilience.
“Things like climbing trees, building carts, rolling down hills. All of these things that were part of a childhood 20, 30 years ago are being eradicated from childhood today and those things are exceedingly important for children’s brain development and social development.”
The Willis’ are a family who thrive on being busy, and it’s clear they’ve found a schedule that works for them.
From Monday to Saturday, Indiana, 15, Augustina, 14, and Luca ,10, juggle 12 extra-curricular activities spread across Wellington.
Between them there’s swimming, mini-ball, netball, football, cricket, touch rugby, water polo, underwater hockey, sea scouts, choir, and musical theatre. There’s also singing and drum lessons - done during school hours. Luca also referees touch rugby.
It’s a daunting timetable, but for mum Nicole the organisational effort and financial investment needed to make it all work is a no-brainer.
“The balance for me is it’s worth it, because of what it’s pouring into the kids.”
The kids are happy, healthy, articulate and full of energy. When asked if the schedule is tiring, Augustina responds “when I’m not doing an activity, I feel like I’ve got a lot of time to waste”.
Both Nicole and dad Jason work full-time with the only free day Sunday, which the family “guard quite zealously”.
It’s a lifestyle Nicole herself describes as ‘exhausting’, but that wouldn’t even be possible without “awesomely flexible” work hours, and most importantly - nana Christine Hope.
Hope has been helping with her grandchildren’s sporting activities since Indiana was 3.
Grandad Noel Bell also handles all netball commitments on a Saturday.
Both Jason and Nicole Willis are realistic about the stress such a busy schedule can add to family life, and say they’ve learned over the years that it’s okay to say no or simply cancel plans when a day isn’t going as planned.
They also don’t beat themselves up about nutrition if the kids end up eating toast for dinner.
And then there’s the cost. Something that had never really been an issue for the Willis’, until last year, when the cost of everything started rising.
“We are definitely feeling the cost of living. I’m more careful with my supermarket shopping (now), and we’ve changed our life insurance arrangements to keep these kids active and engaged in these kinds of activities.”
A big motivation for the couple is to give their kids a break from screens.
“Every year, Jason and I have a moment - or probably it’s every month - where we just go ‘we’re dropping things, we’re not driving around all night, we’re not having dinner at 8.30, this is ridiculous’,“ says Nicole.
“But I see the kids on the Sunday or on the holidays and they are literally like zombies on their phones.
“Once we go to the beach or on a walk, different children. So for me, I would drive around all evening every evening and make nana do it to not have those zombies sitting on their phones.”
In Tauranga, Beck Lister knows exactly what it’s like to have children with different after-school needs.
The family-of-five also has a jam-packed weekly schedule, but largely driven by Austin, 9, who “just seems to love having a crack at anything”.
For older sister Ivy, 11, it’s been a different journey.
“She’s tried lots of different sports but hasn’t really seemed to find anything she loves the same way he does. She’d probably be perfectly fine sitting at home reading a book.
“That’s been a bit of a catch-22 on the parenting side of things for me because you never know when to push them and when to let them stop.”
These days Ivy does flippa ball, and younger brother Tyler, 5, does swimming and football.
For Austin it’s basketball, rippa rugby, cricket, football, swimming, drums, and ukelele.
Unlike the Willis’, the Listers have no family in Tauranga to help out so flexible work is crucial. Dad Mark works full-time but can make up hours in the weekend as needed, and mum Beck works part-time, during school hours.
She says some days feel like you’re just bumbling from one activity to the next, and “balls get dropped for sure”. Dinners can simply be hot chips or wraps.
“I could say no to all of these things, but do you have them at home bored or do you get them physically exerting themselves and enjoying that. We chose the go option.”
Beck says she does sometimes worry about whether the family is over-committed.
“People say kids these days are so busy, you hear all that. But at the end of the day you’ve got to do what works for you as a family. And if it’s not working – quit.
“I had to quit ballet for my sanity. I had a newborn, was dragging a toddler, and even just getting her changed at that age was horrendous and it was such a battle.”
In terms of advice for other families embarking on a new school year, Beck laughs: “Be more prepared than I am!”.
“But seriously, don’t put the pressure on yourself, don’t compare yourself to other families.
“If some kid’s playing 10 sports and yours isn’t playing any that doesn’t mean someone else is doing a better job, every kid’s different.
“We’ve just gone with it because one of ours is happy doing that and one isn’t and that’s her, she’s just different to him.”
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