Assert yourself to win at work

By ANGELA McCARTHY

Your manager comes in at 4.55pm, all steamed up. Her report has to be tabled by tomorrow at 11am and there's a whole section she needs to add. You have piles of work with a deadline of noon tomorrow, and you have a 6pm netball practice. Her problem is about to become your problem.

A passive person grudgingly agrees to do it, but is resentful because they'll miss practice and feel pushed around.

An aggressive person refuses, saying they're on a deadline already for two other projects, shouldn't be expected to cover other people's shortcomings, and refuses to do overtime without reasonable notice.

An assertive person goes for the win-win: "I can see you're under pressure and I'd like to help. I'll have two hours tomorrow to work on it with time spare for you to check it - but you'll need to do something about this other work you want completed tomorrow morning so I can focus on the report."

In short, aggressive people bulldoze while assertive people ask for information or help without appearing weak, can say no or change their mind and will admit mistakes without feeling guilty, says Robyn Walshe, who delivers New Zealand Institute of Management (NZIM) assertiveness courses on behalf of the Judi Grace Consultancy.

Vivienne Broderick of Training Matters, which runs an Auckland Chamber of Commerce course on assertion and influence, says assertive people work out their "inner dialogue" by deciding what they want to achieve and what their bottom line is.

"Once that's decided, everything else is negotiable because you want a win-win situation. You're not saying: 'I can't do that'. Rather, 'I can't do that, but here is what I can do'."

She finds New Zealanders often passive-aggressive - displaying submissive demeanour, but hostile and angry underneath.

Broderick and Walshe say tone of voice is all-important - saying the right things in the wrong tone can be misinterpreted.

Assertiveness programmes usually attract participants lacking in self-confidence, but some employees are sent because they are perceived as aggressive, says Broderick.

NZIM believes assertiveness is a key skill for any personal or work-related interaction, says NZIM learning and development manager Norma Hayward.

"A large proportion of work involves interacting with others. People that treat others with respect, listen to others and state their needs and views pleasantly are invaluable."

Ameeta Sharma attended the November NZIM course because her manager at Auckland City Council felt she wasn't assertive enough. Sharma, a member of the business improvement group, never voiced opinions to her colleagues: "Even if I knew something was wrong, I would not say anything."

Now she is clear about her needs and offers her opinions more.

Eileen Dayson, a Bayleys real estate agent, did Broderick's course more than a year ago. A naturally passive person, Dayson now takes an assertive approach with others - notably when a colleague resented a promotion Dayson had received.

She called a meeting to air feelings and, although she was quaking inside, "it got things out and we became good friends in the end".