Anyone can be a stalker's victim

The popular image of a stalker is of someone obsessed with celebrities, and rarely a week goes by without another report of a star being pursued.

This week, Sheryl Crow watched an obsessed fan who went backstage to propose to her being freed. Catherine Zeta Jones will soon face Dawnette Knight, her alleged stalker, in court, and an alleged pursuer of Mel Gibson appears in court this month.

Other stars to face unwelcome attention include George Michael, Cher, Madonna, David Bowie and even Steven Spielberg.

But in reality anyone can become a victim. A study published this week suggests that 900,000 adults are stalked in Britain every year and around 20 per cent of women will be stalked at some time.

Accidental eye contact at the supermarket or a smile at the petrol station can set a stalker off into thinking someone is in love with them.

The behaviour is wide-ranging but is generally repeated attention foisted on another individual who doesn't want a bar of it, to the point the victim becomes uneasy or terrified.

Some stalkers use the phone, others emails, a few hide in bushes. They used to write letters, but today some stalk via the internet.

Many stalkers are people who have had a relationship with their victim and cannot accept it is over. Others have never met their victim before. Auckland University psychologist Dr Ian Lambie says the average stalker is likely to have trouble forming appropriate relationships.

Others may be happily married but with a fantasy world which isn't matched by the real world.

"His thinking may have been distorted so much he engages in behaviour that at one level meets his fantasy world and keeps him excited and happy. It is quite potentially addictive."

Some have not had much love or attention, Lambie says.

If you catch their eye you might think you are just being polite, but they think "no one has ever shown this interest in me before".

An anti-stalking website (see link below) says victims may unwittingly encourage a stalker by "letting them down easy".

This is not a good idea, says the site: "A victim should say 'no' once. And then, never say anything to him again."

Another Auckland University psychologist, Dr Nikki Harre, says often non-verbal cues are ambiguous and can be misinterpreted. Some people are better at interpreting cues than others, but most people do not give them much credence.

"If you're in a supermarket and somebody glances at you, you may think for a second it's a come-on but you drop it immediately and don't give it any airtime."

No one knows how many stalkers are out there and Lambie believes many cases aren't reported.

So, should we not make eye contact?

Lambie says no. The chance of meeting a stalker is still remote, so be pleasant. Just be aware they do exist, he says.