After the love has gone

As people put in increasingly long hours, many friendships and romances are formed at work, particularly when workers are young.

Proximity and similarity are important predicters of entering a relationship and the workplace provides lots of close interaction and colleagues with comparable interests, according to Dr Nickola Overall, a lecturer in social psychology at the University of Auckland.

A workplace romance means people are spending more time with the person they are involved with and it affects more facets of their life. Research shows people who are happy in a workplace relationship have more job satisfaction, she says.

But the majority of dating relationships split up. It's the consequences of those splits that can have ongoing ramifications at the office as the former couple face each other every day.

With 60-70 per cent of people admitting they have been in a workplace romance themselves or had one happen around them at work, office romances are commonplace, Overall says.

Difficulties abound when one of the dating couple has a higher position in the organisation's hierarchy or if either of the people have a partner or family.

When one person is more senior than the other, colleagues perceive such relationships negatively, for instance people see them as inciting favouritism or unfairness.

"When those relationships split up they are more likely to result in sexual harassment claims. Those are the relationships which can get nasty," Overall says.

Keith McGregor, director of Personnel Psychology NZ, is an industrial psychologist.

Dangerous dynamics are created when relationships between a senior manager and a junior worker develop, he says.

Issues of exploitation, abuse of power and a breakdown of authority come to the fore. The reality is often that one of the two workers has to change jobs for the romance to develop successfully, McGregor says.

How comfortably a work romance develops and its longevity can depend on how colleagues react and the company culture.

"If you are working in a team, often people will take sides and it becomes part of the dynamics of your workplace and can influence how your relationships are with your other colleagues," Overall says.

While those involved get an extra kick out of secret romances, visibility impacts on how the relationship is accepted by the organisation and people working in it, she says.

Everyone enjoys talking about relationships and has an opinion on what is right and wrong. Few people appreciate public displays of affection and constant emails between a smitten couple can detract from work and annoy co-workers.

"If people are getting into a relationship which could affect their work performance then it is always a good idea to speak with a manager," McGregor says.

Then the parties can talk through the implications of a break-up and how they will manage it. He believes it is difficult to have a secret romance as behaviour gives it away.

In the first throes of a romance, common sense can fly out the window as people are in a world of their own. When the two romantics are both single and of equal status, a break-up can lead to fall-out such as a lack of communication, jealousy, people tiptoeing around and colleagues not knowing what to do.

All that affects productivity.

It presents problems for a manager. A supervisor should sit down with both workers and say that while the relationship is personal and their business, it becomes a work issue if performance is affected, McGregor says.

Like dealing with any breakdown in work relationships, a manager should talk with the romantic protagonists when they are not seeing eye to eye and ask their advice for the best way to address the situation, he says.

Many firms have an employee assistance programme through which workers can access counselling to get professional help. When a relationship breaks up and affects work, people can take advantage of this service, McGregor says.

From a legal perspective, bosses have to tread carefully when a work romance affects the office.

It's a good idea for a manager to take legal advice on the appropriate reaction to a difficult situation as there is no generic answer, says Shan Wilson, a partner in Simpson Grierson's employment law practice.

An employer can only impose restrictions when it is a reporting relationship, for instance changing a manager's right to make salary decisions or do performance reviews.

No-one can get fired for having a relationship, but a related deterioration in performance can instigate a review and warning process, she says.

A worker gets advance notice and a chance to put their side of things.

The law provides protection and clear guidelines for people who believe they have been hard done by in the aftermath of a relationship.

The most drastic response is resigning and claiming constructive dismissal. Alternatively, people can make an unjustified disadvantage claim, Wilson says.

People who have had a consensual relationship don't have grounds for claiming sexual harassment later on, unless there is an unusual factor such as someone not dealing well with a break-up, she says.