Acquitted by a jury, but life is still a trial for Beattie

Malcolm Beattie fields calls in his Parnell office on his first day back at work after he was acquitted of fraud charges. Picture / Paul Estcourt

Malcolm Beattie says he has spent the past "four years of hell" wearing an alien persona.

"Every morning I've looked in the mirror and seen 'Malcolm Beattie, the accused'. That's been me and it's been hell. I've never been in that situation in my life and never want to be again."

Mr Beattie - with Wayne Porter, Peter Pharo and Stewart Romley - walked free from the High Court at Auckland after a jury acquitted them of taking millions of dollars from rescue-helicopter charities.

Yesterday, Mr Beattie was back at work in his Parnell office.

The radio news in the background reinforced his freedom, while a succession of phone calls - "about 80 so far this morning" - came from friends, colleagues and well-wishers.

But the habits developed throughout a gruelling court case are hard to drop.

"I got up from my desk this morning and put my coat on ready to go to court, as I've done every day for the last six weeks," Mr Beattie said. "I was almost out the door before I realised it was over."

The "not guilty" verdict at 4.30pm on Thursday ended a saga that began nearly four years ago.

Mr Beattie was in a meeting when Serious Fraud Office investigators called to tell him they had a search warrant for his home and he had to be back there in 30 minutes. If he was not, they had the legal right to break down his front door, they said.

"It was horrifying and the next thing I was being arrested and charged," Mr Beattie said.

"After so many years as a businessman who did work in the community, I was 'the accused'. It was quite a shock."

The time since then has been tough for both Mr Beattie and his wife. He says she has been able to keep going and support him only because she is such a strong person.

But the case has meant dramatic changes in lifestyle. The couple have not spent their usual weekends at the opera, or special openings, or parties. They have holed themselves up at their beach house, keeping contact only with close friends and family.

"It was not a guilt thing, but I didn't want to go to places where I was constantly reminded. Well-meaning people would ask how it was going. It meant I could never forget about it. It never goes away."

Mr Beattie, still an active life-guard, was involved in a rescue several years ago where he was pulled under water and thought he was going to die.

That feeling of terror, he says, he had not felt before or since - until he was told the jury had made a decision. "Walking up the stairs, my legs went weak. It was 12 people with my fate in their hands and the power to send me directly to jail."

But the jury cleared Mr Beattie and his co-accused.

Mr Beattie said the channelling of money that led to the court case had been checked over by lawyers and he knew it was legal and proper.

"But would I do it again this way? Probably not."

It is one of several lessons that Mr Beattie has learned.

"I did not sleep last night because utu [revenge] was running thick through my veins, but a good friend has told me that is backwards-looking and I must move forwards. "I understand tolerance and humility a little more, and also inner strength.