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Home / New Zealand

A tangled web at the workplace

By David Maida
23 Nov, 2007 04:00 PM5 mins to read

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KEY POINTS:

As the weather heats up, things are starting to heat up in many offices as well, but psychologists warn that an office romance might not be such a good idea.

"When the relationship comes to an end, things can get quite ugly. Perhaps one party has called it
off, leaving the other party wounded and/or angry.

"How is this going to affect the day to day working relationship?" asks Jasbindar Singh, business psychologist and author of Get Your Groove Back.

But even if the relationship is going swimmingly, things might not be going so well for the co-workers, particularly if the boss is one of the people involved in the romance.

"Your workmates could feel uncomfortable as they regard you as 'not quite one of them' but as having special privileges - for example - having access to the boss's ear."

Colleagues who are "sleeping with the boss" are generally treated with a bit of suspicion.

"Boundaries get blurred and co-workers may not feel as safe and trusting of this colleague any more. This is especially true where the couple give out 'exclusive' signals rather than behaving like good team members by communicating openly and effectively with everyone," Singh says.

Singh says one co-worker expressed frustration at just such a situation by saying: "I am no longer discussing things with my colleague only, but also the boss. I can no longer be totally free or naive about what I say as it may affect my future in this company."

If one person in the relationship reports to the other one then someone's future in the company can certainly be affected.

"There are many risks, especially if there is a power differential in the relationship. For example, if the person you are involved with is your boss or has some form of authority over you, the boundaries of work and personal relationship will no longer be clear," says Singh.

Singh says to take a long-term view and think about the potential of a break-up down the road.

"Will it be even tenable for the 'dumped' party to carry on in a dignified manner in that role? Sexual harassment issues can crop up," Singh says.

Some organisations require partners to work in different departments or areas of the business. Employers naturally have an interest in the relationships between their employees.

"People can end up feeling very hurt and angry. Naturally this will also have an impact on their productivity and performance at work."

After having been dumped by a colleague, the office blues can become even more unbearable if the other person continues to get busy.

"The situation gets even worse if the person who has called it off then gets involved with someone else from the same department or company," Singh says.

All the hazards of an office romance seem fairly logical. But for many people the temptation is just too hard to resist. Singh says even beyond the obvious time we spend with colleagues, the workplace is a fairly intimate atmosphere.

People often let their guard down to a certain extent with co-workers.

"Without going out of your way, it is a relatively easy way to get to know someone - who this person is, what their interests and likes and dislikes are, how they think, their orientation towards people and life and most significantly what it feels like to be with and around them."

As Hannibal Lecter told FBI agent Starling in the movie Silence of the Lambs, "We covet what we see every day." But if a crush starts to develop over a co-worker, Singh warns not to be too trusting.

"While there have been happy endings for some, I am also inclined to say, 'Buyer beware'. That is because you may not be exposed to the full spectrum of your co-worker's personality, including behaviours and attitudes that may be exhibited outside of work.

"You may only be seeing them on their best behaviour," Singh says.

People always talk about the typical scenario of the married man running off with his young receptionist.

But Singh says there is a real temptation for people to avoid problems in a marriage by eyeing the office candy.

"For one of the persons, especially if for some reason they are unhappy at home, work romance can become a diversion and focus of interest with dire consequences if it goes belly up."

But regardless of the pitfalls, people will continue to go for their colleagues. The best thing to do is simply realise that everybody probably already knows about the two of you, but they don't want their faces rubbed in it.

"This is in the hands of the parties involved and best if they are conscious of this and behave in a mature and professional manner.

"But given the gush of early day romance, especially with younger workers, this may be easier said than done."

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