After recent publicity over its Christmas parties, a Vodafone launch bash at Metropolis last week was expected to be a subdued affair. In lifts whisking assorted media, cellphone and webby types to the 36th floor of "Gotham Towers," the rather lame running joke was that the chances of seeing a Thai stripper were absolutely zero. So more than a few dropped jaws were in evidence when the corporate pep talk gave way to the entertainment, which kicked off with half a dozen nubile women in figure-hugging black latex costumes dancing slowly along a catwalk. Later, both male and female performers donned costumes inspired by a wide variety of erotic themes, including - rather fittingly for the industries involved, perhaps - domination and submission. Simulated naked breasts and a costume suggesting a rather large male member were also on show. But don't expect any complaints to the Human Rights Commission this time. The performance was laid on by a Nelson-based wearable art troupe, whose genuinely stunning 30-minute show featured 90 costumes, not all of which tested the liberal reflexes of the audience.
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John Banks, the former broadcasting minister, whose radio demeanour was once described as a verbalised ransom note, must be missing his Auckland listeners. While the master of whinge-back continues to broadcast his breakfast show to the rest of the country, Radio Pacific pulled the plug on Banksie for Auckland listeners back in May, giving them Pam "smooth as a sandblaster" Corkery to wake up with instead. Seven months later, Banksie's black 5.5-litre Mercedes is still proudly, if inexplicably, sporting the personalised number plate 702AM - Radio Pacific's Auckland frequency.
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A very swish crowd at the opening of Versace at the Chancery last week provided a glimmer of glamour in Auckland's thong and T-shirt-wearing early summer. A gob-smacking aside: the legion of Italian women accompanying the designers, conceptualisers, air kissers and dignitaries. They were, as usual, fabulously dressed, but we're not sure if the Elvis hair and cigar smoking will be the go with Kiwi women this season, darrrlink! Also present: one Mr Tony Adcock, restaurateur extraordinaire (Habourside, Orbit et al), who was feeling a little deja-vu-ish. His famous Le Brie, a French restaurant of great reknown, had been on the very spot the new Chancery now stood. He was paid to get out several years ago before demolition to make way for NZI's vast $700 million, three-tower, 73,000 sq m complex, which, as we all know, came to naught.
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A Biz colleague reports attending a Christmas function at the Settlers Lodge in Waimauku last week, where a skirmish broke out among employees of publishing company IDG, real estate agent Michael Boulgaris, and an eel. And, yes, details can be published in a family paper. Apparently, Mr Bulgaris was dared for $100 to catch one of God's slimier creatures in a plastic bag from a nearby creek, which he promptly did. He was then roundly berated by a female IDG-er, forced to return the eel to its natural habitat and "given a kick up the bum," says our spy.
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More on the Warehouse's heart-stopping troop of Cyber-Santas: it appears the mega-cyber-Santa jiggling and rocking at the entrance to the Downtown Warehouse sheds its limbs. A Biz staffer, transfixed by her second frightening encounter with the strange, electronic, singing phenomenon, could not resist touching one of his hands. She was rewarded for her curiosity with one flesh-toned Santa hand, complete with wires, in her own. Amused shoppers pointed and giggled, to the horror of the staffer and her children. Attempts to unplug the electronic Santa and reattach his severed limb were unsuccessful and the huge body part was last seen in the company of a spotty-faced youth, searching for bolts. Look, but don't touch, perhaps? And can that Santa be refunded for one that keeps his hands to himself?
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Should Baycorp ever run short of tactics for retrieving money, the Biz can think of one technique from overseas they might want to consider. In India, marauding bands of eunuchs are set on defaulters. They need no knives, guns or slingshots to achieve their aim; all they do is threaten to undress in front of the terrified victim to force him to cough up. Local legend has it that the sight of a man sans his manliness will lead to a similar fate for those ... errr ... with their manliness still intact. Helpfully, there are 1.2 million eunuchs in India, but possibly rather fewer in New Zealand.
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An Ord Minnett-er happened to mention to a Biz staffer last week that the brokerage firm's phone lines were down, which he suggested had the same effect on business as "a retail shop without a door." He also happened to mention that every time a large deal involving Ord is about to occur, something happens to the firm, be it fire alarm or technical malfunction. Paranoia? We'll never know. He refused to disclose the deal that might have felled the company's phones.
<i>The biz:</i> Partytime Vodafone kicks up heels again
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