Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua to mark Baby Loss Awareness Week with memorial ceremony

Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua are planning a memorial ceremony to mark Baby Loss Awareness Week.

It’s a club nobody wants to join, but for any parent dealing with the sudden loss of a baby, they can be a flickering light in the dark. As part of Baby Loss Awareness Week, reporter Paul Williams met with volunteers at Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua, a support group for grieving parents.

There’s a special room at Palmerston North Hospital. If you know it, you know it. It takes expectant parents away from the crying babies in the neo-natal ward. The babies born in this room won’t cry.

The room is a huge asset to the hospital, and a place where parents dealing with unimaginable grief can be introduced to perfect strangers from Sands, who are there to offer help if needed.

They just ... understand.

Sands New Zealand (Stillbirth and Newborn Death Support) is a network of parent-run, non-profit groups supporting families who have experienced the death of a baby.

Sands (Stillborn and Newborn Death Support) is an organisation there for grieving parents if they need them. There are 25 branches around New Zealand.

All of the people involved in Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua are volunteers. They’re not counsellors. They can’t give professional advice. But as bereaved parents themselves, they can offer empathy and understanding.

It doesn’t seem like much to suggest at the time, but a photo of a tiny hand or a plaster mould of a tiny foot can end up being a priceless memento.

Sands can help with memory items like baskets, clothing, bath packs and teddy bears. Many families are not prepared for such an event, so the baskets and baby things help them to parent their baby during the short time they have with them.

The Manawatū-Horowhenua group is one of 25 around New Zealand. Some amazing people support the organisation over the years, like Palmerston North couple Gaylene and Shaun Vivian who devoted more than 20 years to supporting others.

Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua volunteers Starsha Te Riini, Rebecca Belton, April Hodson and Dana Rimene.

Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua has a current committee of six; April Hodson, Rebecca Belton, Dana Rimene, Starsha Te Riini, Emma Strachan and Kathryn Stothers.

“We are all bereaved parents who can empathise around the understanding of baby loss ... provide emotional support, practical information and resources to parents and families coping with miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death and other forms of infant loss,” they said.

Belton has skilled herself up to provide castings to families, while photographers Tara Jolliffe and Rebekah Mudford volunteer their services too, should they be wanted.

“We have a room at the hospital dedicated to bereaved families ‘mai mai aroha’. This room was gifted to us and is a huge asset to the Manawatū-Horowhenua community. This is a space for families to stay and is like a home away from home.”

“We wouldn’t be able to provide all the support we do without others in the community going above and beyond for us.

“We get our coffins from the Menz Shed in Feilding and the Menz Shed at Julia Wallace Retirement Village, and the ladies provide the inserts for the coffins.

“Manawatū Knit and Natter provide us with beautiful, knitted gowns and booties for the precious angel babies. There is also several others in our wonderful community that provide us with other resources.”

In New Zealand, babies born before 20 weeks are not officially recognised, so Sands can help produce a “Certificate of Life”, primarily for parents whose baby or babies have died before 20 weeks gestation.

That acknowledgement can mean so much. The A4-size certificate has space for a photo or hand and footprints, and are available through hospitals and Sands groups.

In the days, week, months and years following, Sands is there, if needed. Regular support meetings provide for the expression of loss and grief in a safe and caring environment. There is also online support through Facebook pages and chat groups.

They offer an opportunity and environment to share experiences, an opportunity to talk, and to listen. They have little sayings that can help a make sense of it all, like “a little life, not a little loss” and “born still, but still born”.

- To mark Baby Loss Awareness Week Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua are holding a memorial ceremony at The Youth Space on the corner of Colman Mall and George Street on Tuesday, October 15 at 6pm. A ceremony would involved the lighting of a candle at 7pm, followed by the flying of lanterns. If you want to reserve a lantern, please message Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua.