Death Cafe movement is coming to Palmerston North

Death Cafe Manawatū facilitator Aingie Miller says talking about death is not everyone's cup of tea. Photo / Sonya Holm

The Death Cafe movement is heading to Manawatū with the first meeting on June 17.

Creating a space to talk about death is the aim of the group, says facilitator Aingie Miller, who wants to take the discomfort out of conversations.

“I believe that the more that we talk about death, the more comfortable we become.”

Describing New Zealand as a “death denial country”, Miller says talking helps people feel prepared for their own death or somebody close to them.

The Death Cafe movement was established in the UK by Jon Underwood in 2011, with the movement spreading to 85 countries.

Underwood was inspired by his Buddhist beliefs and the Swiss cafe mortel movement to create spaces to talk about death and dying.

The belief is that talking about death makes life better, creating a healthier environment in which to live.

Miller attended a Death Cafe in Kāpiti several years ago where conversations varied from personal experience, sudden death, and “obviously assisted dying was quite topical there for a while”.

That group has since finished, so Miller decided to establish a Death Cafe in Manawatū.

It is not a grief group and does not offer counselling.

The hope is to normalise conversations. It’s about “being inclusive and respectful to other people’s opinions and beliefs”.

With no agenda, the group discusses “whatever comes up”, and Miller anticipates no shortage of topics.

Her favourite death quote is from funeral planning author, Gail Rubin: “Talking sex won’t make you pregnant, talking funerals won’t make you dead.”

Miller says “just because we’re talking about it doesn’t mean that we’re inviting it into our lives right now”. By creating safe spaces to have tea, cake and chat “we might remove some of the fear or the anxiety”.

The first meeting is being held in Palmerston North with Ashhurst and Feilding potential locations.

The meeting will be at Verdict Cafe, Saturday, June 17, 2pm to 3.30pm.

For more information, visit the Death Cafe Manawatū Facebook page, email deathcafemanawatu@gmail.com or phone Miller on 022 093 8085.

• Sonya Holm is a freelance journalist based in Palmerston North.