OPINION:
Compared with many places I have been, Palmy drivers are pretty good, but good is not great. When I become dictator of our city, these are the things I will enforce to ensure we all get where we want to go as fast and as safely as possible.
- Indicating is mandatory, even in the Pak’nSave carpark! Too many of us forget the lever sticking out the side of the steering wheel is the most important communication feature on the car.
- Lane sweeping. Our traffic system would have so many more options if we could guarantee drivers would turn into the lane closest to them rather than take the wide route into the lane farthest away from them.
- My kids were taught by their driving instructors to stop far enough behind the car in front so you can see their tyres. Frankly, this is bovine stool! Drivers in the great gridlocked cities of the world know that 150 millimetres is the only acceptable gap between two stationary cars in any direction. Any longer distance causes the traffic jam to spread, creating even more problems as more intersections are bottled up and reaction times slowed down.
- Small cars to park at the rear of their parking space. Palmy is blessed with an abundance of car parks - so much so that we almost never have to park more than 40 metres from our destination - but there is one situation that gets us all steamed up. When we spy an empty park five spaces ahead on Broadway Ave, in a state of joy, we indicate and start to swing in to it, only to discover Nana’s Hyundai Getz tucked up snugly at the front of the parking space. Not only do we hate Nana at this moment, but we hate the fact we may now have to walk an extra 30 seconds to get to the dumpling restaurant. No, when I take over this town, any small car parked too far forward will have a strongly worded note tucked under its windscreen wiper.
- Cyclists act like cars at roundabouts. Believe it or not, our lovely city is actually pretty good for cycling if you exclude the headwind that appears no matter what direction you are biking in. The main issue I have is the weird situation at roundabouts where cycle lanes end and everyone merges. This is the most vulnerable time for our two-wheeled whānau. The best way to be noticed is to dominate the lane!
To encourage my fellow citizens to obey the new rules surrounding these pet peeves of mine, rather than employ an army of enforcement officers, I’m going to crowdsource the answer. You see, I’m going to insist all vehicles have paintball guns and dashcams installed. If you witness a road code infraction, it is your duty to fire a paintball pellet at the offending car. This firing will be logged and verified by the deep-state computer. Soon it will become apparent who the terrible drivers are by the number of paint blotches on their cars - public shaming will bring them into line!
Actually, when I think about it, self-driving cars will be here long before my dictatorship ever happens, so I guess it’s up to all of us to be better drivers in the meantime; sans paintball guns.
