Butterflies signify loss

AWARENESS: Neonatal units across the country may soon be equipped with purple butterfly logos symbolising the loss of a multiple birth. PHOTO: SUPPLIED

Families struggling with the death of one child while raising another will soon be assisted with the help of a simple sticker signifying their loss.

The Purple Butterfly initiative is coming to New Zealand and was originally developed in the UK.

Millie Smith gave birth to twins, but lost one of her daughters just three hours after birth. A remark was then innocently made by a fellow parent who assumed they were lucky not to have twins.

It was then Ms Smith decided to create purple butterfly logos to be placed on incubators in the ICU, indicating the child was one of a set of multiples, where at least one baby had died.

Sands Manawatu Horowhenua support co-ordinator Gaylene Vivian lost one of her twins boys at birth. She said the initiative would go a long way in supporting grieving parents.

"I think it is a great idea as it is very hard for parents of multiples to explain their experience about their loss, especially in the early days, weeks or months.

I know this from personal experience as this is exactly what we went through." Support for parents who lose children at any stage was difficult but vital, she said.

"It is very difficult to lose a multiple and raise your surviving baby. Your grief is put on hold as you are busy caring for your surviving baby. You also have a daily reminder of what you are missing."

Mrs Vivian said she found milestones especially hard, and a birthday for one child was also a day of loss for the other.

"You have to plan your day to remember your lost baby but, also make sure you have a happy day for your surviving child."

The Neonatal Trust and Multiples New Zealand have partnered to have the logos in the country's Neonatal Intensive Care Units and Specialist Care Baby Units. A givealittle page has been established to raise the funds required to roll the programme out, including providing posters and various resources to explain the sticker.

The goal is to raise $5000 and, if exceeded, will provide additional support.

Mrs Vivian said the community can also help families through the grief.

"... by remembering these lost babies and not to be afraid to talk to the families about them. The families like to talk about them as it shows their baby existed and was a part of their family."

To donate, visit givealittle.co.nz/cause/purplebutterfly2nz.