Senior sergeant Mel Humphries now looks out for others.
Senior sergeant Mel Humphries now looks out for others.
Waipukurau Police officer in charge, Senior Sergeant Mel Humphries, has opened up on the time she spent running in fear from an abusive relationship.
Humphries and her former husband met in Auckland and were school sweethearts. They married when Humphries was 19 and moved to Hamilton, and for 10 yearstheir marriage was strong and positive. They had two sons and when the eldest went to school Humphries got a job at McDonald's in Frankton, moving up to manager level.
But, as Humphries grew in confidence, her husband became controlling. Then abusive.
He would phone her constantly, blame her if there wasn't money for him to do the things he wanted. Eventually the abuse became physical.
Humphries left, running away to her mother's house but her husband followed, stalking her relentlessly. He wore her down. She had no money, her sons were out of school, she was worried about the effect on her mother. She went back to him.
There was more abuse. She hid things well, but eventually she packed up her sons and made the break, and it was Te Whakaruruhau that sheltered them. That was the start of a new chapter for Humphries.
Mel Humphries at the Te Whakaruruhau safe house in Hamilton where she stayed many years earlier with her sons. Photo / Supplied
A couple of years later, when Humphries was training to be a police officer, she sent a thank you card to the police officer who had suggested she go to the refuge.
"He offered me a solution and I bowled up to the refuge with three kids. We stayed a month and I got empowered. They helped me get a lawyer, they took me to WINZ...it was a huge opportunity to keep my family safe and get myself sorted."
Humphries went on to attend police college, graduating in November 2003. Later, she made contact again with Te Whakaruruhau and worked to strengthen relationships between the refuge and police.
She was posted to East Timor in 2012, was part of the Pike River family liaison team and did post-earthquake duty in Christchurch.
After some time in policing in Hawke's Bay, Humphries moved to Wairoa, where there was a high rate of family harm — up to three callouts a day.
Now, she is the officer in charge at the Waipukurau Police Station.
Humphries sees huge positives in the department's new family harm initiative. Now, when police attend a family harm callout they look for wider dynamics — is there food in the cupboards? Are the kids going to school? It's about understanding the situation and working out positives, Humphries says.
"I have genuine empathy."
"I've been there and recognise the women who are good at hiding what he's doing. I don't judge people. I say 'when you're ready I'll be here'.
"It might be the next time, or the next time."
International Women's Day - Friday, March 8 - will be marked in the Waikato by the launch of a book, Stand By Me. The book celebrates 30 years of Te Whakaruruhau Waikato Women's Refuge, and Humphries will be the keynote speaker at the launch.
The book tells the history and the stories of Te Whakaruruhau. One of those stories is Humphries'.
The book, Stand By Me, is written by friends and colleagues Venetia Sherson and Denise Irvine. Irvine says the pair were approached by Te Whakaruruhau to write the story of the refuge, and they thought it was well worthwhile.
"We have the highest regard for Te Whakaruruhau. It is the largest women's refuge in the country and is run by an extraordinary woman, Roni Albert. This is a story of powerful women supporting other women.
"We wanted to write about someone who had come out of Te Whakaruruhau and moved forward and when we asked Roni she immediately said 'Mel'.
"I contacted Mel with my heart in my mouth ... I thought she may not want to tell her story. But she said 'of course.' She said she was honoured, and if she could do anything to help other women she would.
"It has been a privilege to tell the story of Te Whakaruruhau. We have made new friends in the process and feel an even bigger — huge — respect for the refuge and the women who have travelled through it."
Humphries is remarried now, to the husband she met while on duty in East Timor. He was in the NZ Army. Her eldest son is a police officer, and her youngest is a barber.
"I'm proud of my sons. They are good men and neither of them would ever think of hurting their partner. When I think of what their future could have looked like, that's the biggest victory."
Humphries says she has had "amazing support" from the police for her part in the book.
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